Everyone referred to it as "the farm."
Don't rightly know why, didn't have a crop
Momma did have a small garden,
and raspberries grew on the barbed wire fence out back,
but we weren't farmers.
Our place was at the end of a dirt road.
We had a chicken coop, two ducks
a horse named Lula-belle
and a calf we kept tied to a steak
but we weren't ranchers.
I was just a small boy when i ask Poppa,
"Why is this called the farm and not a ranch?"
He motioned with his head towards the outhouse,
"you see that?"I nodded yes and he said,
"that there is what makes this a farm."
"That is where grown ups and big kids get to go
to water the lilies and feed the crops."
He told me I was just about old enough.
Poppa said when I was old enough to use the outhouse,
he would let me feed the chickens.
I watched the grown-ups go to the outhouse
would always hurry, sometimes even run there
seemed to smile and mosey on the way back.
When I didn't see any lilies or crops growing
I asked poppa to show me how to feed the crops.
He said I had to ask momma.
Seemed with all the feeding, grown-ups were doing
we ought to have a crop growing by now
After momma showed me what to do, I was surprised
I didn't have crops growing in my britches.
It was my big brother that ruined it all
telling bed time stories about spiders and snakes
how they would wait or crawl in the outhouse
to get me, how it sat over a deep bottomless hole
and at night goblins waited to steal me.
I wet the bed for two years
and only fertilized during daylight
never saw one lily or any crops grow.
When I found out why, Poppa was first to know,
"Poppa, this is no farm, that is no outhouse they aren't lilies!
I'm a country boy, that's a shitter, and those are Petunias we water!"
Author notes
Photo prompt
photo by Malmadre
In a list
A contest entry
- Outhouse Musings by malmadre.
1000 points, ended July 26, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me smile by XxForeverFaithfulxX.
1150 points, ended November 1, 2008, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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hah hah
This was funny. I like the ending best. Awesome write. Thanks for entering and good luck.
~Kayla
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Thank you
I am pleased you enjoyed the read
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Awesome
I can't add more than that, I'm still chuckling to your story. I've farmed,I've ranched and I've been darn glad to see the outhouse we had down in our hayfield when I came by on the swather. I've also had to be creative a time or two when the toilet paper had gone missing! lol The registration and insurance from the 3 Ton truck was not the best choice. lol
A very entertaining read.
Rory
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Ha Ha! Laughing all the way from the outhouse to say this is a winner! Gold takes this one! Living on a farm for over 30 years brings lots of memories..No outhouses though,sorry..And, we bought fertilizer..I had a heifer I named Lulu Belle with son named Kasper.. A joy to read in the juvenile innocent style you have written..Lots of laughs all through!!!.A sure winner for the Gold!
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Excellent imagery---One stanza just draws you into the next--Extremely well written!!
Well Done--Best of Luck in the contest!!
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that's a shitter.
They do call them *Scheissehausles* here in the Schwarzwald. I like that the fact that an outhouse remaining distinguished it as a farm.
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Sounds as if you had a country upbringing. I think this contest has taken us all back to the old days for sure. The last two verses are my favorites, the outhouse had to be the scariest place for a child, that bottomless pit with spiders lurking just under the seat waiting to bite your butt, it is enough to make us wet the bed.
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Aiy that I did, love
a barefoot country boy back when heroes were icons and Poncho and Cisco rivaled the Lone Ranger for air time on black and white tv. You saved cereal box tops to send away for a lariat, you rooted for Davy Crockett to beat Mike Fink And missing the Howdy Dody show was sac religious, girls had cooties and boys were goofy and Annette Funichello still wore bobby sox and mouse ears. lol yeah think it has taken me back aways.
One of my first AP poems written about the same country boy years about my Momma you might enjoy it writing mechanics not the best but memories are, http://allpoetry.com/poem/2920354
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ah mate just watch for chooks around the dunny they amy turn into emus and kick it right down or do what my father did when he was but a boy open the trapdoor yeah just like the tippy tin man did and pant their bare rear ends with fresh leaves dip in a fresh cowpat and run like hell....the innocence of a child LMAO ... you spin some brilliant tales and you do indeedy have a knack with the humour now if i can only stop laughing long enough ..... Excellent take on the good old outhouse,,,,,thunderbox or just plain dunny. Good luck in this contest...........like the cook never upset the tippy tin man and leave him a bottle of beer at Christmas for his New Year celebrations.
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