In the fire is where I lay
Nobody will help so this is where I stay
These are the demons that I have to slay
In the embers is where I burn
For help away from this hell is what I yearn
They see me down and ready to wimper
So what do they do
They add on the timber
They just love to see me burn
Poking me with a stick they take their turn
People will watch
And people will stare
And people will do things that just don't seem fair
Do what you want I don't care
Though I fry in the fire of societies eyes
You shall fry in the fires of hell
Then you shall see that it is god you have failed
People feel sympathy talking about what I used to be
I say forget the old me
Just let me be me
There's a reason you condemn me
It's because I'm everything you need
And everything you need is a mystery
You see me and judge me by my looks
Saying I'm just the common crook
But you cant know what's inside by the cover of this book
I'm made out to be a freak
Though there's nothing wrong with my physique
I'm just out there strewn amongst the fray
But you know what, I kind of like it this way
To you this is a game you play
And if this is how you see it then I have nothing to say
Just do me a favor and stay out of my way
On my path in life I'm just trying to say
In the fire I lay
The ashes are burning as I'm taken away
But in the fire I'm okay
And because of the hell going on outside
In the fire I stay
Author notes
Author: Jake Brantley
A contest entry
- emotions needed. by etoile.
450 points, ended July 23, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think? If you see something wrong tell me.
Comments
-
can you separate this into stanzas?
and also, i don't like how inconsistent the rhyming is :|
i love the emotion though
the last line really threw me off. -
your rhyming pattern would sometimes change and it would make it flow better if you at least seperated it into stanzas.
---
"I say forget the old me
Just let me be me
There's a reason you condemn me"
---
i thought those 3 lines sounded awkward. you said me way to many times. maybe if you gave that a quick edit it would sound better.
i really liked the first half of the poem. overall it was very emotional, which is what i wanted
thanks and goodluck


