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Closure//★

For the first time in months I felt at ease
I felt closure when you w.a.l.k.e.d out my door
The [x.x.misleading.x.x] intentions were becoming so vivid
& even if you cared;
I couldn’t play this game a/n/y/m/o/r/e
You’ll always be the [...mysterious] one
Grasping the key to my heart in your unclean hands
...But I––
Fell too hard way too fast
Something you wouldn’t understand.
I hate how you  s t a r e at me with nothing to say
&.& how you always seem to know
What’s on my clustered//&//complicated mind
But life is simpler this way
Pretending I don’t care {at all}
I couldn’t turn back now, no not from how far I’ve come
I just couldn’t trust you to be there when I inevitably
f
   a
     l
        l.

Please don't make me feel weak because of the .:.slightest.:. touch
Let me walk away before it's become. too. much
...It's becoming too much

I felt safe being in your presence
Though I knew at any moment I could just... f - a - l - l a/p/a/r/t
& I guarantee you wouldn't even notice.
The hours would slide before our terrified hearts would [[*collide*]]
But I guess the constant waiting convinced me
You could never commit yourself to anyone but ⋆you⋆
We used to be able to sit there like nothing was wrong
Now I find myself listening to your favorite {♪..song..♪}
Drowning in the tears I'd never let you see.
You've contradicted my emotions so well
That I've become oblivous;; [so blind]
Somewhere along the way I left every. sense. behind.
I'm sorry(?¿) for putting you in such a tough spot
But maybe if you pushed your cravings aside
You could stop pretending to be the strong man you're obviously n.o.t★

Please don't make me feel weak because of the .:.slightest.:. touch
Let me walk away before it's become. too. much
...It's becoming too much


For the first time in months I feel at ease
I feel closure when you w.a.l.k out my door.


♥★♥

Author notes

free write, mainly
YoureNoGoodForMe
Option 1

"Heaven's not a place that you go when you die, it's the moment in life when you actually feel alive"

A contest entry

pleassse tell me what you think :]

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 26 of 26

  • Sheli silver member
    August 8
    Edit | Reply
    !!!!!!!


  • charmander13
    December 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is awesome .


  • exithere
    December 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i like it alot. thanks for entering


  • EvenStarsBreak--x
    October 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Stunning write, the emotion is amazing. =] It's wonderfully written and the imagery is fantastic. Thank you for the entry and good luck.

    x-Pretty-Odd-x <3


  • Walking Oxymoron gold member
    October 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Pretending I don’t care {at all}

    Now I find myself listening to your favorite {♪..song..♪}
    Drowning in the tears I'd never let you see.

    Definitely my favourite lines. The second because they resonate... love them!
    And teh first because I'm loving the idea that the line can make sense with or without the brackets, but the meaning changes..
    Anyway, I just like it!

    And the image, this also rocks. Great picture.


  • JaydinC
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    exactly what I needed

    I must say thank you for writing that. I don't know what it is...maybe being up at 2 in the morning suffering from another one of my famous insomnia phases, or just that I haven't written anything in awhile. But this piece you've penned here....wow, every word seemed to draw me in deeper than the last. Every stanza explained alittle more of the story of far too many of our lives. And you wrapped it up with a small repitition that was placed exactly where it needed to be placed. I don't know how helpful this will be in writing better pieces but it's what I needed to read tonight...thank you.


  • perfectsunset gold member
    August 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Aww this was such an emotional piece... I know the feeling so well while reading your words as I've just experienced it once again.. and it hurts. SO much truth and honesty bursting from your poem; really makes the reader FEEL what you hold inside your heart.
    Beautifully done.

    Best of luck & thanks for entering


  • dendriapyro
    July 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    OMG

    This spoke to me in ways you'll never know. I can't say for sure but you have high chances in this contest.


  • penman gold member
    July 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    What a skillful and creative write. So masterfully woven. Best of luck in the contest.


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    July 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent dirty pretty. As well as amazing conveying of emotions and imagery


  • Kiss the girl--x
    July 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    In amongst all this amazingness, one line just stood out a mile to me,
    'Grasping the key to my heart in your unclean hands'

    I love the imagery in that, its amazinggggg [=

    *finalist* [=


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    July 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I do really like this piece. I don't know what to say, because I just simply love the way you put emotion into this. Closure indeed, I think sometimes it's so far away and yet, within some form of a grasp. Favourite lines

    I felt closure when you w.a.l.k.e.d out my door.

    I can relate to that in many ways with my ex, though he didn't literally walk out my door, it was the same as far as him leaving me and I could breath properly again.


  • Boxingboy
    July 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    it's AWSOME PUBLISH PUBLISH PUBLISH

    AND I MEAN IT
    and one more thing stop dwelling over him he was stupid that's his fault not yours great vent and great and awsome poem
    you get three from me only i don't have enough points to do so


  • he broke me
    July 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    OMG

    this is so good!!!
    "You could never commit yourself to anyone but you
    We used to be able to sit there like nothing was wrong
    Now I find myself listening to your favorite song
    Drowning in the tears I'd never let you see."
    i know exactly where you're coming from, i really liked those lines.
    this could almost be a song
    i really loved the last 2 stanzas as well... keep writing
    XXX he broke me
    p.s oh i love your backgrounds as well they're awesome


  • she still smiles x gold member
    July 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    loveloveLOVEEE

    Ohkay, this is another one of my favorites!!!

    *...But I––
    Fell too hard way too fast
    Something you wouldn’t understand.*

    Whoaaa. Describes me to a T right now fo sho. That's something that neither Brian nor Steve nor any guy would ever really understand ..

    *I just couldn’t trust you to be there when I inevitably fall.*
    Hah. Wow. Of course they won't be there, because as you wrote it ..

    *You could never commit yourself to anyone but you*

    Favorite line in ze whole wide world. For seriously. THAT IS SO TRUE. SOOO TRUEEE. Hahahaha I honestly burst out laughing when I read that because that's the realest thing I've heard in a long-ass time.

    *You could stop pretending to be the strong man you're obviously not.*

    Lovee that, too. Can I show that to Brian? Bahaha I HATE it when people put on an 'invincible/confident crazy act'. Like who are they trying to kid ANYWAY?

    I also loved the repetition of "it's becoming too much"...

    God words can't even describe this poem .. I hate using the same adjectives over && over -- because really, with some of your poems, there are NO words that can even start to describe how fantastic and wonderfully written they are!!!<333333

  • AdulteratingDeploy
    July 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    AMAZING

    Grasping the key to my heart in your unclean hands
    ...But I––
    Fell too hard way too fast
    Something you wouldn’t understand.

    This is really good, I like that its in dirty pretty,
    This is awweesssommeeeeee!!! good job.
    Nice write.

    <3kelsea

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    July 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    The poet compounds the heartfelt desire for closure well, for me the presentation with words underlined was not strictly necessary, it felt a tad like being forced to concentrate on those words but that's not a criticism as such, simply an observation. I feel Closure would work well put to music, it's angsty,accessible and lyrical, something we can all relate too.


    • innocence jaded.xx
      July 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you !! I appreciate the comment on my poem =) & I fixed the underlined/bold/italics thing up a bit, so hopefully it's better now. Thanks again !

      • Yvette Champ gold member
        July 12, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        Thankyou too! I am heartwarmed that you accepted my rambling in the same spirit with which it was offered


  • Uniquely-Scarred
    July 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    the emotion is heart breaking, i like the flow of this piece, too breaking up is hard and you expressed that well in this poem, such wisdom from one so young, your one to watch!!!!


  • z etoile
    July 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great job you express your emotions well thank you for sharing this piece with us. Great job.


  • LivinitupCutie
    July 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    the emotions are extremely powerful..locking away a bleeding heart..barricade it so not even feeling a single touch of a false love can get through..escaping the trap just to be pulled back..wonderfully piece as always..

    Keep writing!!!
    Lieu


  • endless-lover silver member
    July 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow doll,
    this was another amazing poem from you!
    i do love reading your words, keep up the work!
    much love,

    pflw

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