Trapped in the chains
of this Earth bound life
a prisoner of the physical world.
A corporeal being
in the muck and mire
of this human life unfurled.
To taste the forbidden fruit
of human form
forever trapped, in original sin.
This universe
my garden of Eden
will I ever get back in?
In a list
A contest entry
- you are here... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
300 points, ended July 12, 2008, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
This is personal. Congrats on winning Gold.
-
Hello there,
Nicely written. The title didn't invite me at the first sight, I liked its depth though.
Title - 8/10
Your take on the prompt is straight and this poem is to the topic. This prewrite fits the prompt very well.
Theme - 8.8/10
Very simple language and conveys a very thoughtful message. I liked the way it flows.
Diction - 8.9/10
The background is very nice, but it could have been left plain. Sometimes, elevated themes require no additional attractions.
Presentation - 7.5/10
Creativity - 9/10
TOTAL - 42.2/50
cool. Lovely score. All the best in the contest.
Love and regards
Kiddy
(Dr.V - Silent Judge) -
No but you will write beautiful poems like this one in deep longing.
-
Congratulations Bill. A gold certainly well deserved.
Paul
-
well worthy of gold
-
Indeed a curious note of the verse is here..a thought is very provoking..love it..thanks for sharing it.....my friend...
-
bravo
well written
A corporeal being
in the muck and mire
of this human life unfurled.
excellent word choice
pulled together perfectly.
God bless...
-
-
Thank you The words had to be as perfect as I could make them, because it reflects my beliefs
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
