A silent serenity spreads throughout the city
As they wait for the night to bring all its horrors.
Death comes out at night and plays with the livng,
And takes quite a few companions home with him.
The screaming starts and the people lock themselves away
Pitying the souls who were unable to do so.
They go to sleep but soon they find that they did not escape
For horrors reside on the streets as well as in their minds.
Their dreams are tainted by the screaming outside,
Their minds tainted by the knowledge of what lurks.
They are afraid, and they do not show it
But fear is something you simply can't escape.
A contest entry
- The Beautiful Dark by Spiritual Soul.
1300 points, ended July 22, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites by Melissa Gayle.
450 points, ended July 16, 2008, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - DARK by mcrfan322.
400 points, ended July 26, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Quite well done even if the dark side is not my scene.
Descriptions are good and use of words excellent.
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great poem... really good use of words and fraising... "Their dreams are tainted by the screaming outside,
Their minds tainted by the knowledge of what lurks.
They are afraid, and they do not show it
But fear is something you simply can't escape"
thoes were my favorite lines... "great last one fear is something that you simply can't escape" great like... i really liked this poem... hope you win and best of luck to you... keep up the great writing and hope to see more...
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I would consider changing one of your 'night's' in the first stanza, the repetition so close is distracting.
This piece is wordy to me, I think you have a lot of filler words and even some images themselves that could be removed to help the flow.
Its a good foundation -
hmmm like your ideas, but no wow for me. still interesting though.
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oooh very dark, I liked this, I loved the last stanza, awesome writing, thanks so much for entering my contest!
Blessings,
~Michaela~
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