Half-moon smile taints apathy,
mollycoddled expression
lacking only b(l)ows
to make it pretty –again-
Mumbled mutterings
raping unformed promises
that scream in penetrations pain;
lay laden with issues;
become catatonic.
Pliant and broken flashbacks,
melded gasps of revenge
like the weight of Rohypnol girlfriends,
all easy and breathless,
beneath comprehension
but above amnesia
and we pretend its fine
as Dali-like we weave
ourselves into Hobson’s choice.
Author notes
"There are no facts, only interpretations."
- Frederich Nietzsche
A contest entry
- Current mood swing: Clutter → Confusion → Chaos by Never Fall in Love.
1000 points, ended August 4, 2008, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critique Requested
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Well, I have to say that I'm not familiar with Hobson nor Rohypnol. It kind of twisted things for me. Other than tha, this is well written - not your best but then again you've done some pretty amazing writes that woud be hard to top.
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Hobson is in reference to Hobsons choice, basically it is the situation where you are stripped of any course of action execpt one and that is refered to as Hobson's choice. It comes from a book of the same name.
Rohypnol is a drug that is colourless and oderless, it is used by some men to drug girls in order for them to take advantage of them, also known as Date rape drug.
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Ravine deep depths herein dear poet, liked the imagery of the sardonic half-moon smile and especially the wordplay within b(l)ows. Somewhat unsure about "lay laden with issues;become catatonic: whilst I like the innuendo it caused me to pause as it's slightly stilted, though that may well have been your intent. Maybe elongating become to becoming? Maybe laden with issues laid or lay issues, am unsure, just rambling aloud and in the bliss of having the unbridled freedom to do that with you without your misunderstanding me. Haven't been around for awhile, have missed lines like " like the weight of Rohypnol girlfriends, all easy and breathless," Neat, very neat dear poet. Loved the quote by Nietzche too.
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The stilted section was intentional .. I want the reader to stop and pause at each of those statements, but your obeservations are always valid and taken by this author in the spirit they are given.
Its good to see you back, hope its for a little longer this time
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You always amaze me, Bro...I run out or words to express that
Sigh~
Lynda
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