Little Dakota sat at the vanity
on the pink and gold chair,
staring into the mirror,
that was surrounded
by light bulbs,
in the strippers changing lounge.
She was just six when the girls
started doing her hair,
while she waited for her mother,
who was in the next room,
injecting holes into her lonely soul.
She plays with the makeup
and hangs old Camel cigarettes packs
in the bordello windows on her Paris street.
Laughing as she kicks empty wine bottles
against the wall,
to annoy the patrons.
In the back the girls hurried by,
changing their wardrobes,
and loving Dakota.
Kissing her in their haste,
hugging her like she was their very own.
Dakota was never ashamed of her mother,
she would love to see her laugh
and joke with the other women,
as they waited their turn to perform.
They both ride the bus now.
They are returning to their home.
Once inside,
Dakota wants her hug.
Her mother holds her tight,
and strokes her hair.
As she drifts off to sleep,
into her waiting dreams.
Author notes
Inspiration....
Art Garfunkel's song....
Mary Was An Only Child.
In a list
A contest entry
- Best Prewrites. by Simone Brooklyn.
700 points, ended January 18, 65 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 1000 points, 1000 pws by Shadow Anonymised.
1000 points, ended November 23, 1039 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
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True to the song ...and to Dakota ...and to Motherhood ... breathtaking.
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caught me by surprise!
i thought that this poem was going to be morbid and dwell on the theory that dakota might turn into what her mother is, but i was shocked to find out that this story/poem had a sort of cheery side to it. great piece {3 clappies!!}
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I love the switch at the end from the unconventionality of the little girl's life to the bus ride home. Good images and flow to the narrative. I seem to be the only one on site who's never read it. I enjoyed - well deserved trophy!
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you know i can read and read and never bore of this poem liam,as i sit tonite the imagery is still so strong and tonite my eyes fill up slightly, this is still my very most favorite of your writes x x x beautifull x
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oh wow.
wonderful imagery.
This is amazing.
thank you so much for entering,
best of luck.
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good
i really do like this poem, but i'm not sure how well it relates to the prompt. best of luck.
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I've read this before and though I had commented but it doesn't look as though I have. I"m not quite sure this fits the prompt properly but it is a wonderfully written poem. You put lots of description in this poem and made Dakota and her situation seem very very real. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
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Wow this is tragically wonderful. I love the imagery and flow, you can picture every deail of the scene, even what is not related in your work. The story too, is beautiful and tragic. To grow and live in a world lie that but loving it all the same because you are still loved and you have fun and you don't know anything else but...This is powerful. And I am sure relatable to some. This is a wonderful composition. Thank you for sharing.
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Well written.
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that was beautiful! i can't cout how many times i re read this!! it should have won gold!
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I just read this again and I still can't get enough of it. You know, it's just like I'm there in the room with them, watching them laugh and spray on their perfume. It's really lovely imagery, though haunting... the image of the little girl representing innocence, sitting on a pink and gold chair playing with her mother's make-up whilst her mother is next door, "injecting holes into her lonely soul." Christ what imagery, so sad, but visually excellent at the same time. I think this is one of the greats.
I love the ending too. Her waiting dreams... like she will always be waiting... always waiting for her mother... both physically and mentally.
It was one of my favourites then, and it's one of my favourites now. -
vivid and deep
i have to agree with the other comments ive read, its a deep poem that captures a lot of emotion, and truth, as well as transporting the reader into the life of Dakota. loved it!
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Beautiful write
Those wonderful lines from Janis Joplin's song "Little Girl Blue" drew my attention straight here. Absolutely beautifully done, the raw emotion you have captured with your words sit just perfectly on the top of the head, where it repeatedly plays..... Great Job!
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Wow, Very powerful words you have chosen!
Little Dakota needs affection and attention as any child would. This was really deep and intense.
I really enjoyed the last coupe stanzas it touched
my heart deeply!
A very lovely write,Liam!
-Mandi
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Very beautiful. It is sad but happy at the same time. The little girl is a symbol in my mind for what we all want. A home, a happiness that can't be taken because of what we do or who we are around. I loved this and although i have never heard the song you were inspired by I am sure it is a great song to have inspired such great work. Wonderfully done,
Stephanie
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WOW!!!
Beautiful imagery! The poem transports the reader into Dakota's world! I love the way it ends... leaving the reader wondering what must've happened to her. For me, Dakota's mom couldv'e been a mother in any profession who isn't paying attention to her daugher... Well thought-out and revised to near perfection!
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Very candid and lovely write. I love the way it shows the more sober side of the industry and gives it a face and name
Thank you for sharing this with me
A well deserved silver, although worth gold...
Khia
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very nice read my brother always like to come and read. hats off to you on this one I really like it you have the imagry so well done here.
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This is absolutely perfect, Lowell. I have known strippers who were some of the best hearted down to earth humble strong people I have ever met. It's a shame the men who receive the gift of watching them dance so seldom realize it. I know that you see the true beauty of a woman. "injecting holes into her lonely soul." Sharp image. Wow, 161 applause. Nice.
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wow. not much to say here. but i really really like it. you captured such vivid emotions and realities into this picture. im just amazed. great write.
i couldnt tell you whats so great abouth it. and i couldnt sugest anything to change. i really like it though
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I love this, the clarity of your images and way you portray Dakota so vividly.
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i agree with the comment below me. your imagery is fantastic, and i loved the story you told, however i felt like you left me hanging, sort of, with the ending.
good write overall, though.
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loved it. the ending could have been better, though.
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vivid imagery and strong emotion make this an absolutely beautiful piece. i love it.
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Brilliantly
vivid story poem! You really have a way with this sort of poem. Your word choice & details paint a vivid & expressive picture that draws the reader into the scene & engages them to the point of total participation. What a wonderful talent. You make the characters very human & warm eliciting sympathy and compassion. Very nice time I just spent with you. How I long for those in this type of situation to know their Source! Bravo for another stark & powerful write.
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Inspiring,
I always like poems or stories about the downtrodden enjoying life in spite of the circumstances they find themselves in. Dakota will be happy wherever she finds herself. How many of us can say that? This is a powerful piece, I'm adding you as a favorite, so I can keep up with your work, Ciao
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Yes, wonderful story, kept me there raptured.
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Fantastic!
Your writing continues to touch my heart.
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Excellant narrative my friend, and all this came flowing from a song? Beautiful in a realistic fashion, you've created a masterpeice here I believe.
Most well done
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Lord, this makes me so sad, but in a way, happy. Happy that she kicks the bottles against the wall to annoy the patrons, happy that she'll grow to despise the life this read leads to. Very powerful imagery here, full of emotion only you can portray.
I absolutely love your writing Liam, and I always have, you make no fluffy preambles, just get right to the heart of it.
Love,
jin
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Great...
actually this reminds me of edith pifs child hood good job! -
Ooh, wow! This was amazing...a TRULY amazing piece of work!
-Andi
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I love the general picture this paints and the specific picture of the subjects' culture.
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Wow this is beautifully written, i can see the whole poem vividly, this is a fantastic piece. xxx
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oh lowell this is truelly my favorite of all the poems iv read of yours, iv read this before and it still stays fresh in my mind, i love the visual picture it paints as i read, i so so love this poem, i would have this printed on the picture of a young gal depicting dakota and hung in my home i can see the image i want infront of me now.
my all time favorite of yours babe, i love it, you are my mesiah (did i spell that right) lol x x -
Very intresting and encouraging for little ones to not be ashamed of their parents whoever they were, in this world each one if fighting a battle and kids should learn to accept theirs. Well penned, thanks for entering.
Much love
~Noor -
Liam - truly one of my favorites from you.
Thank you for your entry & best of luck to you in the contest! -
Ooo, gosh. The opening is like some sort of extended preposition; I love it!
But it is sad, is it? Unless that was the desire she held. She's a bit of a rebel child; I like her.
The images are vivid, defined; concise. A wonderful read.
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this is such a touching write. iv read it twice, the picture is so vivid.
it tells such a sad story one of hardship, one of society.
i see a young girl with such love in her eyes for her mother, unconditional, gosh this is a bitter sweet write, beautifull!!
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first off, i want to say thank you so much for your detailed comment on my poem, i really appreciate it!
this is such a gorgeous write, the way you show the child loving her mother unconditionally, no matter the circumstances, is so beautiful and pure, and truly the stuff of brilliant writing!!
you have a lot of talent, and i really enjoy reading your work, thanks so much for sharing it! -
A great work of writing
I want to thank you for the reply that you left me on my write. It was beautiful and it meant alot to me. I really enjoyed reading what you wrote here. You can see the unwavering love this girl has for her mother. As all children do in fact. Children dont care what their mothers do for work, or how they think of whatever goes on... all that is there in the child is love. And in the end, that is all that really matters I suppose. The little girl gets her mothers love. It also goes for reverse. The mother is a stripper and it could be for many reasons. I would like to think that its because she wants to give her daughter a better life. Or maybe im just reading too much into it...lol. Thank you for sharing this with us.
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O h my this moves me,it paints a picture of the unconditional love of a child, i want tto hug dakota and braid her hair,my mother had a drink problem, and was rarely sober enough to notice me, oddly now she is in a bette place, all I recall is the pride i felt because she was th only woman on our strret who was never seen in public wearing hair curlers or slppers. I love all your work,, but there is something speciall about this one, it tells too of a mothers determination to feed her child by any means even if it means degredation, tells a story of society. Thankyou liam for sharing this one
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I'm loving this one, boi!
So sad, so out tehre.
A child's unquestioning, unfaltering love, matched by her Mum's...
I'm seeing strip joints...?
Hard work. Great write here... -
This was wonderful. It says so much. One thing it portrays is the simple, loving, and non-judgmental mind of a child. I loved this.
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Excellent portrayal of such hard knock life. The imagery is very driving and stark painting a dismal picture in the rawest of means with such beautiful word selections. Kudos
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If words were paint, you would paint the most beautiful and vivid picture to ever grace my eyes. You set the scene..and make me feel like I can see everything in my mind. That's real talent. I love that it's so easy flowing and easy to read. Well written.
ing alone,
Mylee -
I enjoyed your take on the prompt. Thanks for entering. Good luck.
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FANTASTIC!
very raw and beautiful, i really enjoyed that Dakota was treasured by all of the ladies including her ma, abuse of children is the worst ever, far worse than shooting up or prostitution, adults make decisioins for whatever reasons and it is a pleasure to still see a depth of love for a child despite it all
BRAVO! for the depth of emotion, and the stark reality!
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Sweet poem
how life can be loving even where you wouldn't expect it to be... :-)
greets nelleke -
Excellent
'tis a fine write, indeed. You expressed your thoughts quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us. Again, well done. -
wow
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You did brilliantly! You painted the entire scene with your words. Excellent.
Now you are just showing off, my new friend!
Thanks for suggesting it! Love it.....did I fave you yet?
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wow
I feel like I am there when reading this poem! I don't even need to put pictures in my head, they just show up when I read these well-crafted words. I love the whole thing though this part really gets me,
She was just six when the girls
started doing her hair,
while she waited for her mother,
who was in the next room,
injecting holes in her lonely soul.
fabulous stuff! The images are so potent. Good luck!
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Such a solid love that would stand unchanged in any scene. you've described the girl's view in such detail and so smoothly. Her pure, instinctive child's view that puts aside the taboo and discrimination we have sadly learnt in this crude social structure. A poignant write with many depths.
....It also reminded me of ballet performances in theatres when I was a kid, waiting backstage with even the five and six year olds in hair and makeup...it brings back a lot.
There's a hell of a lot to look into here.
Great reflective write.
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this is pretty good i liked it very much
well done
now i guess all there is to see
is if you impressed her
good luck
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Sad, sweet and true...
you always hit the spot right where it counts buddy...great little story here reflecting the unconditional love twixt a mother and her child...no matter the background, circumstances, whatever...the soul of a child, so trusting and pure...how good would it be to be able to just come out and say; "hey! I love you man...no questions asked..."
great write lowell,
walk good brother
John
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wow that has lots of emotion and feeling in it
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This piece made me feel. I was swept to those time in life when I have seen beauty in those whom society would often reject or label as trashy, immoral, worthless. Children can so often see poeple more clearly than we can...as adults with our jaded view of the world.
Grace is available for all mankind, not just for the intelligent, beautiful, or "morally upright."
The heart of a child has not yet forgotten this truth.
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loved this.
excellent idea, i especially liked line eleven: "Injecting holes in her lonely soul"
thank you for an excellent read. -
Very interesting.
I find this piece very short and to the point. I really love what emotions you have drawn here. This is really awesome.
Very enjoyable and heart-wrenching. One of those types.
Very well done
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I love this poem so much, especially all the imagery you've put in there. At first I wasn't sure that this would turn out happily, especially with all those pictures of vanity and haunting images you've given the reader to picture ("injecting holes in her lonely soul."). But the ending did leave the reader feeling peaceful and happy for Dakota, who still leads a happy life despite the details. It wasn't what my contest was looking for, but it was so unique and well-written that I'll give it a trophy. Thanks for entering. Shya
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Once inside,
Dakota wants her hug.
Her mother holds her tight,
and strokes her hair.
I love the story and the emotion behind it
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wow i love the emotion and beauty in this poem. the words you've chosen are so simple, and yet tell the story with such lovely effect! congratulations on all ur wins!! awesome work!!!
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Humm..I can see the mystic feel in the story stated here to bring the essence of the concept dealt..wonderful indeed..
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I love, love, love, LOVE this! I love that this poem tells a story with such detail and emotion. There's so many wonderful dimensions in this poem and I don't know where to start.
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awesome
I really loved the poem...I thought it was well written and the imagery presented a well thought out and endearing vision. Well done!!! BTW I actually found you because of WindsAngel, and I am now adding you to my favies!!!
Slip
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well now I'm depressed. This is a very vivid picture, executed with your hallmark style. Nice shiny gold trophy you got there my friend.
&
Creatress
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This seems both sad and in some ways introspective, because it makes me think of how each of the people here are struggling with different emotions and life challenges...very interesting write! faith
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Awesome
This is a great poem. I enjoyed it. Love can be found in many different places. It is unfortunate that love alone is not enough to give a little girl like that a good chance in life.
History too often repeats.
Mike
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Sad and sweet
Beautiful imagery. -
FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Oh, I do love poems that tell a story the BEST of all! Your poem puts the reader right there and I could just see that darlin' 'lil Dakota, the poor waif.
Thank you for sharing this tender write with us!
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congrats2U! ~ pithyA
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Well well Lowell...
This was really good...I liked it a lot...A sense of innocence mixed with a hint of desperation....
"Laughing as she kicks empty wine bottles
against the wall,
to annoy the patrons."
"As she drifts off to sleep,
into her waiting dreams."
After days like that, maybe she's the one waiting for the dreams, and not vice verse....Not much to say other than I loved the imagery, and it seems like a sad sad story for young Dakota...Nice name choice by the way.
Blessings,
Brandon
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This is such a beautifully written poem. It's just so good the flow and everything to it that I just can't seem to find proper words for it. It's sad in away and yet the child is so unbothered and truly naive to just how terrible her mothers job is. The imagery is so vivid and well I just liked everything about it.
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Highly Emotive!
Wow this is incredibly and highly emotive, sad and moving and it captivates the reader all the way through, its is so touching and empathic towar the plight of this pooe wee lass, caught up in an awful situation warped by the tone of her mothers existence.
Deep in feeling and empath this is incredibly well penned and to perfection in rhyme and flow also. Fabulously graphic descriptives and artistry, you piant a film with poetic words. Fabulous, well done, love it! Bravo!
Poetic Hugs,
Kaz.
Kazytc xx
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i love what you did with the prompt, and the way this tells a story thank you so much for entering
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this is a great take on the prompt! I like your imagery and wording a lot and the poem is really touching. thanks for writing and sharing
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Great write, it's well written and it's sad but this probably happens more than we know. Thanx for entering and good luck.
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i just watched a film called i know who killed me where the main name was dakota - seek it out you never know it might be inspiring.
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This is a wonderful poem!! I'm glad you entered it into my contest!! GOOD LUCK!
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nice
Very good flow 10 out of 10
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well done
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Nicely captures character immediately, it's easy to picture this girl and the thoughts drifting across her mind as she sits staring. 'injecting holes in her lonely soul' is an incredibly sad and powerful line, really encapsulating the futility of her actions. A sadly evocative write, I really enjoyed it though. Again, thanks for sharing. Cheers
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Wow!
This is a lovely write! Smooth flow, easy to read, and fortunately for me not bitter ending. I just spent the weekend taking care of a friend's 8 yr. old daughter, such a sweetheart she was. This poem reminds me of her. Well done!
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wow and double WOW! this is so felt! your a contest finalist for sure! take care and good luck!
~pithyAplomB. -
woah, this is quite astonishing, sir! I love the cruel irony of it.
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wonderful writing my friend, a story told with poetic grace. You capture the essence of innocence and the reality of life in the "underground world" of strip clubs. Very well done.
Rory
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Wow!
I am just speechless after reading this. A bittersweet story of a girl whose mom is struggling to make ends meet & struggling with her own demons while also finding the time to love her daughter at the same time. Superb story here. The imagery is totally heartbreaking. The ending gives a glimmer of hope. Thanks so much for entering this. Superb!
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Wonderful Words To Read!!
What a beautiful poem Lowell. There is sadness among the beauty of your words. Such innocence of childhood and mother's love you protray with your heartfelt words. A pleasure to read this morning. Thank you for sharing this lovely poem. Best of luck in this contest. Take care.
Bless You,
Sandy
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This is very beautiful.. Usually you hear the stories about how horrible life is for a child with a dancing mom, but this perspective works better for me. It's much happier - though tragic, of course, in parts; still happy overall.
Wonderfull!
JADE RAYNE* -
intense at moments, tragic at others, and ultimately triumphant, a deliverance, and the subtle narrative carries me through this, like living vicariously through someone else's life. there is a load of killer phrasing here which is moving and impressive, and very affective. "injecting holes in her lonely soul" conveys with great power and insight the tragedy and desparation of an addict. Awesome, my friend. Best thing I've read in a while, and I read alot.
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wow
this is simply amazing
i love these lines
"In the back the girls hurried by,
changing their wardrobes,
and loving Dakota.
Kissing her in their haste,
hugging her like she was their very own."
great write, keep up the work. =]
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What a very pretty lesson. On one hand the mother does what she has to survive, but the girl is surrounded by those who care for her and make sure she comes to no harm, and at the end of the day when everything is said and done, mommy cuddles that little girl to sleep and another day begins anew.. Fantastic Peice
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Oh. A very pretty little story poem. I think that would be a very neat little name for a child. I like that name Dakota. I think that I've heard it somewhere before. Oh yeah, I remember now. Someone I knew had named their border collie that. I liked the life of the child that you described as she kind of lived behind the scenes of her mother's work life. It's interesting and different. If I have my say in it, my vote is that this one is good by me!
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Amazing
You have such a way with words and thoughts and ideas. Your writing skills overall are amazing. I was impressed as usual. I loved the author's note as well. Thank you for sharing your talent with me
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Very soft and beautifully written. I hope you keep writing now that I've discovered your talent. Well...I didn't "discover" discover it...lol You know what I mean.
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My Brother
your words of inspiration do justice to the song. As yes even this country boy is a fan of Simon and Garfunkel together or seperate.
Your image above reminds me of the empty souls I saw in the red light district of Amsterdam, many years ago in my travels there.
Wonderfully Penned!
Niaish for Sharing
Silent Hawk
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