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Empty

 

   Pursuing the blade

  

   Piercing lies

   folded into flesh

 

   Soul brought brittle

   in wrought agony

   you rendered

 

   Letter left

   beside your

   still beating heart

 

   An empty explanation

   as I drown beside

   a malicious moon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Prompt: Pic, 20-40 words
Artist credit: .:No More Tears:. by =Morteque (deviant art)

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 30 of 30

  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    September 26
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    Ohh you do darkness nicely, what a chilling poem, your imagery is always beautiful and well worthy of the shiny gold. Best to you


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      September 26
      ?
      Edit | Reply
      I love doing dark writes Dark or sensual are generally my favs

      Thanks again hun

  • Valley Girl silver member
    July 15

    Edit | Reply
    Wow hun! You have really went beyond with this one! The imagery is fantastic! Congratulations on the Gold!


  • crimsondew silver member
    July 14

    Edit | Reply
    Vengeance done beautifully...good dark write ,a gain you have imparted so much feelings and emotions here..Congrats on the gold dear!;f

  • wow dark..awesomeness sis...brilliant poetic words shared here and many congrat's on the gold



    Cind


  • aboomer silver member
    July 12
    Edit | Reply
    WOW - Outstanding!
    Congrats. on the well-deserved Gold!

  • holy cow..... what a read.... what a write.... congrats on a welll deserved gold.... thanks for sharing this
  • wow!

    this was stunning! the imagery here was brilliant... and your words were deep with emotion! a dark and beautiful write here... congratz on the gold! totally deserved!

    ~Ranji


  • notorious silver member
    July 11

    Edit | Reply
    YowZA!!!
    This is spectacularly written, and I can totally see why you got the Gold.

    "Pursuing the blade"
    Cutting one self, physically/emotionally? You make this totally non-cliched with your unique phrasings.

    "folded into flesh"
    Likey!!

    Love that third stanza...seems to me like perfection.

    "a malicious moon"
    Love this!! Makes me think of something I'd write, but way, WAY better. Moons are awfully symbolic..

    • Thanks!! I was gonna withdraw and delete this cause I thought it sucked!! LOL.. Think that's just my mood! You always cheer me up with your comments!!


      • notorious silver member
        July 11
        Edit | Reply
        LMAO, didn't the Gold trophy reassure you? =D Must be morphine..
        • I guess it did after I won it... lol... but still don't think it's me best work.. but meh, that's just the way it is right now! lol

          • notorious silver member
            July 11
            Edit | Reply
            Eh, I don't think anyone's written their best work yet...
  • Owch!

    Great take, well written and congratulations!

    Still think the moon is splendid though

    Sol


  • liduen silver member
    July 11

    Edit | Reply
    I find it impossible to read one of your poems without having my heart reached into and yanked about. Congrats on the gold!!!!


  • secberm
    July 11

    Edit | Reply
    Ahhh... Well done poet. Another one in your collection. Jeez... You rack up trophies like I had nothes on my bedpost. Oh-oh... Another woman just walked by... BRB! LOL Write on. One.

    Dez

  • Ooooooh!!!Excellent take on the image prompt! Peeling darkness from within, and granting it voice. I love that you noticed the letter as well. Thanks so much for your entry!

  • Trew
    July 11
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    The best opening line i've read in a long time

    pursing the blade
    wow

  • Jacks,
    I loved this very scary!!!
    You did a great job hun!

    best wishes,
    ~Lisa~


  • crazymomma
    July 11

    Edit | Reply
    How can you possibly think this sucks. This is an amazing dark write. I really like the desperation of the piece. Don't you dare delete this. It is wonderful!

  • Wonderful take on the pic and as always, your words fit it perfectly. Great write my friend! Best of luck in the contest!

    Linda


  • Swangrnv gold member
    July 11
    Edit | Reply

    boy u do dark..

    ..sad pieces very well. it makes me wanna cry. Another extremely good,yet sad write.

    • I seem to only be doing sad lol.. my muse is sleepy! lol
      Thanks for your comment hun!
  • Oh this is really sad and quite dark Love the story you have woven from the picture!
    Excellent piece.
    All the best with this
    gaylene


  • LadyDementia gold member
    July 11

    Edit | Reply
    Well I don't think its nearly as bad as you made out! I see nothing wrong with it at all, but I can understand how you see it, I do it myself. Don't delete it I like it. Very darkly penned, the opening is strong and I love how it fades to despair...just like in life when this happens, anger then tears. You hit the nail on the head hun...good luck but you shouldn't need it


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    July 11

    Edit | Reply
    A very apt interpretation of the picture Jacks, and did you say, "you're pulling out," and that your, "muse has died?" That almost has a sexual connotation to it LOL!

  • g'luck fellow-blue-eyes!
  • good luck my dear sissy..


    I love you


    kat
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