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I'm Like A Broken Record....

When i think of your name my
heart s_k_i_p_s a beat...

I miss your soft finger tips
tracing their ways
a
  c
    r
      o
        s
          s
my arms && circle their ways back

U
P
to my face...

I miss the ways you're eyes f/o/c/u/s/e/d
carefully on mine mo matter what mood i
**appeared** to be in...

I'll never forget the f-e-e-l-i-n-g i felt
when your fingers were c.a.r.e.f.u.l.l.y
[laced] with mine.

I could try for y,e,a,r,s to replace the ..:look:..
on your face before you k*i*s*s*e*d me softer than
anything i'd ever felt...

I regret n-o-t telling you how i felt when i had you
to m|y|s|e|l|f...
I hate not telling you i'll <<.miss.>> you

I hate not s.h.o.w.i.n.g you i loved you♥

Author notes

i will not be fine...

A contest entry

love it or hate it, i could care less sometimes! ^_^

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Antebellum
    May 5
    Edit | Reply
    I really like how your authors note plays along with the poem itself.
    wonderfully written.


  • mysticstorm gold member
    July 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done in form...deeply sad and a true reminder of how we often regret so much in life and so many thing that are left unsaid...very touching with beautiful flow...
    Well done!
    mystic


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    July 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sounds so relaxing and appealing, the emotions conveyed in here I can relate to so much in so many different ways, it's hard to say!


  • Age of Rain
    July 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    gah. The background and font combo is kind of ugly. But visable, and that's MUCH better than what some people do. You did a rather predictable presentation of Dirty Pretty. This poem is okay, I read it and liked it, but I think in this case it would be better if you had not done so much dirty pretty. But I see from all the other contests you entered, that it must have been the point. Well, Best of luck!


  • Cyanide Milkshake
    July 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I asked for a poem to show me what you want to do before it's too late and it seems you've written one about how it IS too late, and your regrets. If you can show me how it fits into the brief for my contest I will glady keep it in because I enjoyed it very much, but if not I will have to disqualify it for not following the specifics I laid out. Please get back to me a.s.a.p as I will be judging in the next few days.


  • innocence jaded.xx
    July 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is absolutely beautiful. I loved how you wrote about such a painful emotion;; and you did the DP form so uniquely, in a way. I really liked it =)

    "I miss the ways you're eyes f/o/c/u/s/e/d
    carefully on mine mo matter what mood i
    **appeared** to be in..."

    Definitely my favorite lines. I can relate so well, and I loved how you didn't use too much punctuation =) Thanks for entering & I wish you the best of luck ! ♥


  • misticmoonlite gold member
    July 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is a cute self made form, you show what love appears to you, thank you for this entry, good luck
    Lin


  • Lotus-Mama
    July 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    love it!!


    great job! love the form!!!


  • sassykitty
    July 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is so original in its structure, always great to read a different and experimental write. The feelings of the poetic voice clearly shine through the choice of language and I do so like the way you express the emotions in this. It made me feel so sad towards the end. Great write and thanks once again for sharing.


  • IrishGypsyRose silver member
    July 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Sad...

    Lovely poem on the sadness of losing the one that you love and living with the regret of never having showed them just how much you loved them. Great read. I enjoyed the way you played with the format as well. ~mandie~


  • ixtli
    July 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think this poem is a great example of dirty pretty. I really enjoyed reading this. You captured some beautiful imagery and powerful emotions in this piece. Nice job! Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest!


  • XxAmbeR1313xX
    July 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    love itt

    loved the poem, nice work

1 - 13 of 13