The cities lost have long since parted us
But do not forget the reason we exist;
For within this darkest night
A part of us still persists
Called the heart.
And as we flow in circles in the world's embrace
We will not forget loved ones we lost
Nor the ones we gained,
But the more we spin the closer we move, too.
We'll go on forevermore in the fabled endless dream,
And I promise you, my dear,
That though the universe may soon end
Love will not.
We are lost in this nightmare in this tale of existence;
Forever looking for something
Never knowing what it may be.
But with some deep searching you'll certainly see it clearly
It's the beating of our hearts lost in times embrace.
Keep in mind all you were told,
And remember me until the final stage
Of being.
And as we soldier on throughout the world's embrace
You will see the world is crueler than the demons deep inside,
But with memories of pleasantries hence past
You will find the path to dawn and the fabled endless dream
In which everything which you love
Awaits you.
And as we flow in circles in the world's embrace
We will not forget loved ones we lost
Nor the ones we gained,
But the more we spin the closer we move, too.
We will stay along this path to reach the endless dream
In which everything which we love
Awaits us.
Author notes
chaos
A contest entry
- Anything! by Lady Michaella.
600 points, ended July 13, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - give me anything by x Bright Eyes x.
525 points, ended October 9, 2008, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Share your poems with me by trekkergirl.
550 points, ended November 6, 2008, 174 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I just love this background. I love a sleeping child and blue just happens to be my favorite color. What you have here tho is a very interesting poem. And a hopeful one... to find a place where everyone we love is waiting for us is a good thought. Thanks for joining this contest.
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It needs a little work on flow.
Thanks for the entry and good luck. -
A very touching write my friend. Good job and good luck.
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Well done, nice flow, very stream-of-consciousness. I hope you find what you are looking for.
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I should hope you don't forget the loved ones you have gained, that could make your child support payments difficult to mail. All the emptiness of existence without a single insight. Must be lonely.
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Point well taken. Though I must say that from looking at all the comments you made on all the other submissions thus far, I'm suprised you didn't rip this poem apart like you did with the others. Haha. I'm honestly not complaining, just suprised.
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forgive me, its 4 a.m. Even Hitler grew tired and less deliberate
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Haha very true. :] Just seeing the comments you made on everyone else kind of got my hopes up to see how bad you'd rip my piece apart, if at all. Though in truth, your honesty in judging is quite refreshing. It's quite needed. ;] (and no this is not an attempt to suck-up if that crossed your mind.
)
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Like the opening line a lot! Should l2 read do not forget? effective final lines in the first and second stanzas - 'though the universe may end soon/love will not' is a great line.
The structure of this is particularly impressive, especially the way you end each stanza. I do like this! Forgive some of the disjointed nature of this as I was commenting as I was reading.
This is a nicely intelligent and mature expression of hope for the human condition which is impressively expressed through your use of language, metaphor and imagery.
Thanks for sharing something profoud, keep up the excellent work.
Cheers! -
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You are correct. Line 2 is meant to read "Do not forget". It was an overlooked typo. Thank you for spotting it and for your imput. It is most appriciated. :]
Blessed be!
~~Winter~~
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WOW!
We are lost in this nightmare in this tale of existence
Forever looking for something
Never knowing what it is
But with some deep searching you'll certainly see it clear
It's the beating of our hearts lost in times embrace
Keep in mind all you were told
And remember me until the final stage
Of being
This is my favorite stanza. Your piece is beautifully penned, well thought out, and superbly done. I love the imagery and metaphors. It also has wonderful rythme and flow. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. ~mandie~ -
Wow I like this a lot. I really enjoyed reading this piece of yours, might i add. Well keep up the EXCELLENT work.
Hope to read more
~Silky
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