stripped of light
beauty defined
deaths delight
life has no rewind.
bitter crossing
scattered souls
intimate tossing
darkness consoles...
emptiness....
wings wither away
broken,
lost,
dead...
eyes misted, life drained...
Author notes
Pic prompt
A contest entry
- Quickie *2 ~ Dark...3 more entries please by Unsigned.
450 points, ended July 12, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Bravo, Jeff, and bravo Tory, I couldn't agree more.
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Wanted to come back after judging and make a further comment...Seems other comments are blowing smoke up your .... sorry but it wasn't perfectly formed nor did it fit the picture, I can't understand why others would lie...I have seen these writers and they are very good in fact excellent so their comments do not fit their talents.... ~frowns in confusion~
~Unsigned~ -
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hmmmmm
OK perfectly formed?
well absolutely metrical, crisply rhymed, clean transition from form to free.
Fits the picture?
Stripped of light
well she has no eyes ...
Do you need me to explain the rest?
If you want to call me a liar please do so to my comments so I see it directly.
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ok lets debate the "brilliance" written here, your comments and my contest so why not, nothing wrong with a healthy debate...
life has no rewind....does not fit in with the previous three lines and throws off the flow....it was ok up until then...and the last line reads eyes misted so then she must have eyes....
I have read you and know you as a good poet....I have read her previous work and know her as a good poet as well...this just wasn't good poetry and the comments were aimed at impressing the writer and not reflecting what was written...
If you three want to defend her then there is no point in carrying on but if you want to defend the poem then lets continue...
Maybe we should get an opinion from the writer?
The one thing I wont do is enter a mud slinging match so if it is to stay a friendly debate I look forward to your response... otherwise don't bother...
As for calling you a liar...well I disagree with all three of you, the write wasn't up to her normal standards and the comments positioned it otherwise.
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The fourth line is off beat..
The second Stanza is good...
Like the end..
All in all a good write...
I sort off, wanted more....it would work so much better without the rhyme...sorry but I am an honest poet...
Thanks for the entry and good luck.
Simon
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Perfectly formed and deathly dark, fits the picture exactly, in content form a nd feeling, great work.
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Painful Heart Within The Dark,
How I know life can bring the worst storms our way.
I am thankful for you, and I hurt when you do sweet soul.
As you do when I hurt. A well expressed piece.
I hope you see some light soon, much love and light!
Love ya lots, your Servant of Shadows.
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eyes misted, life drained... but in my heart love remains, a love you can't lose, a love that is a totally renewable resource, and a love that will never ever betray you. very dark words from the brightest star in my heavens, I love you always, you are my light
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