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Unnoticed

Conceptual

 

  You breathe

  but a motion away

 

  Far enough for the chill

  to sink into skin

                  untouched

 

  Begging not to go

                     unnoticed

  by eyes drawn in another

  direction

 

  As I remain riveted,

  slowly drowning in desire

 

  Aching to exhale

                   your essence

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Prompt: Pic, 40 words (pic found at photobucket)

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • Valley Girl gold member
    July 15

    Edit | Reply
    Wow hun! An eerie pic with a romantic twist! Congratulations on the Gold! ♥


  • poppa silver member
    July 13

    Edit | Reply
    Another great write... unrequitted love huh, does it even exist ? congrats on your golden trophy


  • GreenHrtPaleMoon gold member
    July 13

    Edit | Reply
    Riveting and sensuous. This poem just permeates soulful beauty. I cannot say much other than WONDERFUL!


  • sheltered
    July 12
    Edit | Reply
    Great write, especially the ending. I love your smile.


  • Carolina Moon silver member
    July 11

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    Truly amazing!! I love this! Gorgeous write from a gorgeous soul.. Simply beautiful my friend.


  • CinfullyDelicious
    July 11

    Edit | Reply
    This is just wonderful for the pictire

    i love drowning in desire and aching to exhale your essence..
    like how you structered it out too

    Really enjoyed this


    Good luck


    Cind


  • LadyDementia gold member
    July 11

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully penned. I didn't even realise I was holding my breath till I finished. You certainly have a wonderful way with words. You should bottle your muse, you'd make a fortune Superbly done, good luck


  • vanessa reen gold member
    July 11

    Edit | Reply
    You have done so brilliantly here with this picture. "Begging not to go unnoticed", this brings such a vulnrability to this, well done, this is really wonderful and all the best for the contest.


  • BuriedTreasures silver member
    July 11

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent portrayal of the picture versed effortlessly
    Well Done & Best of luck in the contest!!


  • SuicidalLover gold member
    July 11

    Edit | Reply
    Ooohhhh sister you have a way with words...gave me chills... You did an excellent job! I wish you luck!
    ~Kystal Angel


  • AngelWithDarkWings gold member
    July 11

    Edit | Reply
    ahhh my dear sissy.. me thinks that your muse has come back for a visit.. I'll catch it and keep it in a cage. I love this poem so much sissy. this is a beautiful poem. I do so love it.. but it strikes me as being a bit sad also.. could just be my mood..

    good luck

    kat

  • phantasyintrigue-x silver member
    July 11

    Edit | Reply
    "You breathe
    but a motion away"
    I love this...it's stunningly simple and ethereal, and a perfect opening line to hook a reader.

    Chill that sinks but doesn't touch? Wow, that's ooky but very cool.

    "by eyes drawn in another direction"
    Infidelity? Gigolos? Or...have I entered a dirty mistranslation?

    "exhale your essence"
    Nice...=D

    Best of luck, Gold winner =P


  • AngelWithDarkWings gold member
    July 10
    Edit | Reply
    good luck sissy..

    kat


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      July 11
      Edit | Reply
      If you find my muse can you send it home sissy!!! lol

      • AngelWithDarkWings gold member
        July 11
        Edit | Reply
        it looks like to me that your muse is just playing hide and seek sissy.. but yes if it hides again I send it to you via overnight delivery
1 - 17 of 17