You are so lovely
My angel
How I long
to wrap my arms
around you.
Hear you whisper
my name.
You're at the window again.
I savor the thrill of watching
unknown, unseen
my trembling hands clutching
these sweat-drenched grips.
And the glass fogs, momentarily
blocking my vision of you.
You, my perfection
My beauty
My forbidden fruit.
I wonder
will your throat
be as soft
beneath my hands
as I've dreamed?
I wonder
will my name
on your lips
sound so sweet?
Your cherry red lips
Your mouth, so alluring
Your gentle mouth
downturned in that little frown you do
when you're puzzled or worried.
I want to hear my name
whispered, even screamed
if I hurt you
will you scream my name?
If I plunge, if I leap
straight into the abyss
if I take you
if I force you
on that bed
that pink-sheeted bed
will it be sweet?
Will it be so sweet
like a biting into a peach
from a tree?
When my hands find that soft throat
and I feel your last gasp
my body taunt like wire
as you unwind beneath me
as your clock winds down
and I am the face
you carry into eternity
that last face, that last love
will it be so sweet?
I think it will.
My beauty, my gem, my rose
you are mine.
I'm coming for you soon.
Author notes
Option 10: Challenge
Word Bank: alluring, thrill, abyss, trembling, forbidden, perfection
Check out http://www.helium.com/items/1243567-murderous-love-poetry
A contest entry
- PIF:Enlightening me Options Inside!!! by LivinitupCutie.
1300 points, ended July 11, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn your Green Trophies into Bronze, Silver or Gold (2) by FloridaGatorQueen.
600 points, ended July 17, 2008, 27 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite-palooza by swim.x.
1650 points, ended October 6, 2008, 100 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - all the prewrites you want (theres a catch) by serenity silvermoon.
400 points, ended January 7, 299 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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um. scary?
you write excellent poems but they're just so unsettling. even understated like this they just kinda scare me. -
Aww... adorable poem you have here! Excellent love
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alluring, sensual and deadly beautiful. This piece describes forbidden love to the fullest. Kind of reminds me of a serial killer in its way It flows wonderfully and you can picture yourself right there, wether you are the killer yourself, or the damsel in distress. Very beautiful!
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This is a very beautiful poem. Oh so romantic. I couldn't stop reading. Enjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.
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Personally I cannot with the first read of this lovely poem find anything wrong with it..You have weaved a story of love, romance and the dark side...but it is balanced in how you have penned this...A beautiful write!
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Disturbingly Sensual
I felt chills...The passion and the obsession were acutely felt. "When my hands find that soft throat/and I feel your last gasp/my body taunt like wire/as you unwind beneath me". The words just flow, one right into the next, they drip like honey and whisper like the wind, soft and sweet, yet so deadly.
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good job
but
You're at the window again.
go to the wikipedia and search
"privacy"
-
GOOD***
A very wonderful write. I think the rhyme scheme could work better with this piece and make it flow just like a river. Beautifully written and a wonderful job, now I think you just need to organize the thoughts a bit and give it some structure so the audience can flow better with it. I really enjoyed it, just something is there that caught my eye.
My favorite part was:
'You, my perfection
My beauty
My forbidden fruit.'
I really like the associations with your diction. -
This is amazing while reading this brought chills down my spine..a deadly love it is indeed a forbidden fruit..thanks for taking the challenge and entering my contest...good luck
Lieu
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