her birth was not attended
by either faeries or scholars
rather the mad music of things
sewn and slipped into
a blue blanket worn down
to a teddy bear thinness
she has her mother’s hair
straight as an accountant
in a nine to five cut
but her arms are at
10 and 2
pinwheeling the world
in her words and fissures
the last gift from her
spanish father
who is to die pill-filled
in a prison in montana
but snuck out a box for her
his newspapers
his hospital slippers
his abrupt mercury
that will reflect on her
glass body
the one shattered by
water and the cold of
the moon
but god will remember
her circumstances
and will turn gentle
as her blanket
and will wear her
like a clover
to his favorite
blackjack table
Author notes
...God, muddy...give a girl a real head's up next time, will ya? lol I just woke up!
Five minutes is just not enough time to do her justice.
A contest entry
- Wall Of Circumstance by MuddyKing.
800 points, ended July 10, 2008, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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great poem!
Congratulation on the gold
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Thank you Mr. A...as always you are far too kind to my poor posey.
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Your light shines as always hon.
Congratulations!!!!
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As does yours...
Thank you!
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Justice enough it seems. Real gold here. I loved it all.
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Thank you...
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five minutes? seriously?! nonexistent god, that's talent.
"but god will remember
her circumstances
and will turn gentle
as her blanket
and will wear her
like a clover
to his favorite
blackjack table"
the only thing i found less-than-stellar about this was the repetition of "her" in this stanza; you use it in lines 2,4, and 5; perhaps the first could be cut? but it's just a personal preference; you're more than free to ignore me
you're such a pleasure to read.
-cristina
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LOL. Yeah, that's what happens when I only gots five minutes to write, edit and enter a contest when I'm half-asleep...lol
Will edit...when I'm more awake.
Thanks!
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wow... I LOVED this! It was simply fantastic! Congratulations on gold!
This was such a pleasure to read!!
S.P.~
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well hell
I'd hate to see what you could do in ten minutes..lmao...love the worn blanket and how you tied a neat lil' bow with this one in the end...so much living in this one
and then again so lil'
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Yous a cruel man, masser Muddy...
I don't know if I was able to convey the fact that she just wasn't born with enough luck. 
But then again, I guess I should count myself lucky that I was able to know and love her...
Thanks for reminding me of that.
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lol I think you made it shine in 5 minutes! Loved it. Love, C
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Thank you...I was like, HUH? when I saw muddy's contest over crusted lids when I woke up, er, fifteen minutes ago. lol I'm so glad you enjoyed...now I need to go back to bed. LOL
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still as fucking brilliant
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