Where were you when I was ecstatic?
When I was lovesick or even homesick?
Where were you when life was great?
When everything, I could locate?
Where were you when my feelings got messed around?
When I got thrown around then chucked to the ground?
Where were you when I needed you?
Where were you when there were only few?
Where were you when I stood alone?
Whenever I cried on the phone?
Where were you when my pillow became wet?
When I cried myself to sleep, never to forget?
Where were you when the pain was unbearable?
When the hurt was so bad, I had to be careful?
You were there.
You were there through the comfort
You were there through the blissful.
You were there through the hurt.
You were there through the tearful.
You were there, but I never saw you.
A contest entry
- PIF: options contest. by checkmate.
600 points, ended July 20, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PIF I Deserve A Gold by Rakerman1.
475 points, ended August 9, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TELL ME ABOUT IT..... by xwarriorXprincessx.
550 points, ended August 4, 2008, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Share your poems with me by trekkergirl.
550 points, ended November 6, 2008, 176 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This is a very interesting poem. I to like your question of where were you... then your answers. Very creative here. However, your rhyming did seem a little bit forced to me. But that may very well be me because to me most rhymes to feel forced. Still, all in all a very good write.
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so heartfelt.
the end is the stinger. oy do i know that feeling.
nicely written. so well done.
i only hope these feelings pass from u soon dear.
best wishes and best of luck -
Wondeful emotions. Sometimes we think we are all alone only to find out someone was there loving us all the time. Your flow was a little bumpy however, and some of the rhyme was borderline.
Well done none the less
Raker
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wow. the emotion here is very powerful, and the last line was everything. I read this twice and it seemed better each time. a very intense piece and it builds up right until the end- reminds me of a tide crashine onto a rock and spilling , just like your piece. loved the simplicity here.
and since you tried rhyme, I can't say you are exceptionally good at it because there are a few parts that broke the flow, or seemed like it was just written there so it could rhyme. but I can't say you are bad either because this was quite a wonderful piece- your style was great and the emotions were sharp.
great work.
♥checkmate♥
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