Mosquitos hover in the dying light
we warm our bones and smoke tickles our eyes,
wide in fear and amazement
Marshmallows drip from unattended sticks
as she speaks of her past
her voice is worn, her eyes are bright with memories
giggles echo through the stars, fading into gasps and nods
late into the night
so close to death,
she shares her life with us
and we carry her on.
A contest entry
- CONTEST: Looking for poems, That will make me say: OMG! This is awesome! 810 points by echo-ink.
600 points, ended July 15, 2008, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Have you ever... by Age of Rain.
1300 points, ended July 31, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What be your thoughts?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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An unusual piece. Which is what I asked for, so well done. I liked many of the visuals. Best of luck!
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This is a really good poem. I this it was written very well! I really liked the last stanza...but who doesn't? I reall enjoyed the way it flowed, too. You managed to write this amazing poem, with only a few words! GOOD LUCK IN THE CONTEST!
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i love this part:
giggles echo through the stars
other words, i dont get it. -
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Here's an explanation:
First Stanza:
there are mosquitos, we have a fire going but it's dying. We're warming up and our eyes are wide in fear and amazement.
Second Stanza:
We're roating marshmallows but we're not paying attention to them. An old lady is telling us stories. We laugh and gasp and nod late into the night.
Third stanza:
She's old, eventually she dies. But she has told us her story, so we carry her on.
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yes, oh yes, cause no, i understand it A LOT better, thankss
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basically, some girls sit around a campfire and an old lady tells them stories.
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oh.
that a simple concept.
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Wow! That was so much like all my evenings sitting by the fire with my family. Great write, S.I.
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