Ain't Comin Back

The days go by,
I sit on my porch,
And I watch them fly,
Thinkin’ about what i’ve had
and what I’ve lost,
and who I’ll meet,
and who I’ll never meet.
Revelations of a high school kick in,
as fast as ever I quickly think about the same old stories,
the ones of pain and bliss,
the stories that are unwritten,
and the ones that nobody cares about.
Those are my stories,
as thoughtful and useless,
interesting, yet plain,
and yet they are stories to remain untold.

To read my stories
would be like eating sugar,
it seems so sweet,
yet it kills diabetics.
People can’t start to understand the way I think.
it’s subhuman,
it’s superhuman,
it’s inhumane,
where a single lie can have 100% truth,
and the way living is worse than death.
Loneliness is not something you feel when you are simply alone,
rather it is the feeling of having no feelings.

Catch the drift?
I don’t.
Life is one huge pot of anything and everything,
it’s the opposite, yet it is the same,
it makes no sense,
it’s not supposed to,
it’s in my head not yours,
so how can you know what I think?
how can you say that I hate you?
you are in my head,
yet so far drifting away from me.
It’s like we were on a sinking ship,
you got on a lifeboat,
yet i was left to drown.
I haven’t jumped yet,
but soon it will be inevitable,
for the closest physicality to what i feel
is death itself,
due to the diversity between you and I,
the missing of eyes seeing each other,
and the long for a healthy heart,
and a free mind,
where things will exist in harmony.
We would conquer.

This is the end,
of my old friend,
he is more than a friend,
but more of a father,
for he has taken the easy route from slight pain and suffering,
leaving one of his own behind,
to sink and die,
he knows i can’t swim,
yet he doesn’t care,
he says “you know it don’t matter if you cry,
crying just creates more water,
and you got enough of that salt water around you,
so go die you son of a bitch,
I’m done with you.”

Who knows what would have happened if I wasn’t sinking,
I may have survived,
though my body exists,
my soul has died.
I’m on my own,
I’ve got nobody,
sometimes that’s all you need,
got no friends, no functioning family,
but who cares?
I still got my health,
and the only shit that matters in life
is the amount of wealth,
so who needs a soul,
i could kill that bitch who took my health
but it ain’t my style,
i’m a good kid,
i’ll be resurrected and i’ll come back for him,
i’ll call him on his phone,
cuz anyone should die
if he took the life of his own.


In this death called life,
he can do what he wants,
i’ve been forgiven by god,
despite all of my dad’s taunts,
and i’ll be the first one to meet him,
and i’ll say “Jack,
goodbye, father, you’ve failed to see your success,
that’s all there is, i ain’t comin back,
so i don’t care
if you get your life on track,
see ya never,
i ain’t comin back.