The chase through life
And its winding roads
Bend as if turning the wrong way.
I don't know whether I should turn back
Or whether I should stay.
This place is New York without people
Like a bird without a nest.
Turning, just staring, unable to halt
A chase without running,
Played by default.
Author notes
Option # 6
A contest entry
- PIF PROMPT CONTEST by penman.
700 points, ended July 12, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PW Of Certain Types by Blooming Poet.
500 points, ended September 27, 2008, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make this THE largest Contest EVER on AP [enter, enter, enter!] by Symphony.
18000 points, ended April 28, 1014 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
-
Interesting; I'd love to see what the prompt was for this one?! I'm intrigued to know what inspired it ;
Some great 'wisdom' in this, type lines, which is exactly what I love to read -
And the rhyming structure was spot on too, which, in short a short concise poem, isn't always easy to do
"Turning, just staring, unable to hault" <-- should be halt. Just one tiny correction.
Thanks for entering
-
-
Thanks ^-^ Sorry I'm not so great at spelling.
-
-
i love your word plays in this
Turning, just staring, unable to hault
A chase without running,
Played by default.
just awesome! Very well penned!
-
very good. your flow and your analogies were good.
-
A good poem overall. It flowed well and most of it made sense, and I loved the bits of rhyme you've added...
"This place is New York without people
Like a bird without a nest."
These are good analogies... takes the reader to New York and then makes them picture a bird. And furthermore, one of them is a place without a resident and the other is a resident without a place. That brings a sense of emptiness... a really good poem.
There are a few grammar mistakes which are probably typos, but I understand, I make typos too. For example, in line 3, 'bend' should be 'bends'. =)
Shya -
Do you know I've never really liked short poems because they're usually over before I can enjoy them! But something about this poem is truly...inspiring!! I absolutely love it! Amazing work!!!
-
Fantastic!
I love this! The flow is beautiful and exciting, with that tinge of gray areas. I can't really describe the feeling I had reading this, but it's wonderful. -
:]]
-
You are very talented for only being 11 years old! I loved this poem it was great keep writing and sharing your work I look forward to reading more of your work!
-
ahh! what happened to the rest of my comment???!!!
I'll try remember what I had here...
....I love how you perfectly captured that feeling of not knowing exactly 'where' you are and that feeling of.. this does feel right.. but maybe i should stay anyways..
I know that it shouldn't matter, but i love the shape of this poem, it was the first thing that i noticed and it made a good impression right off the start.
congrats on the great write! -
Great poem. I too loved the imagery. You really captured something in here.
-
Absotively Posilutely!
You just cannot imagine how Right this is for me now and how long I stared at it in Featured dooey.
'This place is New York without people
Like a bird without a nest.'
Among the rest I love this...this little town to a tee.
THANK YOU
Linda
-
omg i hope ypu get like hella props for this
wow this is amazing like i been speachless before as if a mute child but no my vocal cords have been ripped out and thrown as to hell almost as if to say never to try to speak for the beauty of silence deserves to overcome this wonderful setting ty for the gr8 read
-
Extremly Wonderfully Written My Friend !
I have to say not only is this poem that you have written a very good as well as impressive one, but that of true life being lived! I was very Impressed with this poem .The chase through life and its winding roads.I don't know wheather I should turn back or weather I should stay. Like a bird without a nest.A chase without running. Played by default.Although I am very Impressed with this poem as a whole these were the word's that grabbed me the most. Wonderful Write. And Congradulations on your H.M. Brenda Gae
-
Impressive poem.
Caught the images with fine words.
-
This is really good!
I love it
Imagery is amazing
Favorite Part:
This place is New York without people
Like a bird without a nest.
Turning, just staring, unable to hault
A chase without running,
Played by default.
Nice write!
♥[Katee]♥ -
wow...beautiful imagery...I think that's the most beautiful thing about it.
Then it's simple and a very creative piece. -
Great
The lonely feelof this makesme miss home. The image is very clear. Great job! -
Great
I feel you angst almost pain through this. I think you did an exceptional job!
-
This is really good.
I like it. -
It's been a few years since I've considered poetic forms, but it seems like you were following a well developed formula. I thought this was very nicely done with some nice rhyme without over doing it...and I thought the metaphor was a nice touch.
-
Wonderful
Very well done. Best of luck in the contest
-
"This place is New York without people
Like a bird without a nest."
Chasing life it seems, is always without the exercise of the jog haha...
Great take on the chosen prompt!! Best of luck
-
-
Yeah definitely!
Thank you, and thanks for commenting!
~Pandy
-
-
Turning, just staring, unable to hault A chase without running,Played by default. a great poem good luck in the contest
-
-
Thanks
-
-
Hello, me. I would like to give me a couple tips
when you said "this place is new york without people" i thought you ACTUALLY meant you were in new york minus the people. next one is, it's spelled "halt" Other than that, ratoot.
-Me -
-
Thank you, me!
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 28 of 28
