At least while you're gone, things get done
Laundry, dishes, and the cupboard faces
Away from the dead things you've considered fun
I cleaned out the pantry & Then polished my gun
Day dreaming of you in white see through laces...
At least while you're gone, things get done
There is no need to panic, no need to run
I'm carving your name in my arm (just in these cases...)
Away from dead things you have considered fun
God forgive me when this sweet deed is done,
And deliver us from the monsters that chase us
At least while you're gone, things get done.
I always knew, in the end, you should have won
After all, you dealt the deck, you held the aces
Away from the dead, you've considered fun.
You've always been a cold Spring rain, a Mon-
-day without sun, a Charlie horse that paces
Away from the dead things you've considered fun
At least while you're gone, things'll get done.
Author notes
Written January 5th, 2004
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
Your cheering section has anointed you a dazzling and witty writer, and I think sometimes you are. However, I don't think this is a good as that Fox News poem either. Then again, it might just be my gut reaction to cleaning that gun in conjunction with the rest of this.
Jim Dunlap -
'...Day dreaming of you in white see through laces...'
'...You've always been a cold Spring rain, a Mon-
-day without sun, a Charlie horse that paces
Away from the dead things you've considered fun...'
A stunning villanelle, horus8...beautifully vivid imagery; incredibly strong flow, a whitewater current breaking from its banks to drench those on shore...oh, I so enjoyed this...very well done, Sir...I see you are also Friends with Myra & Lea...many of us here at AP seem to move in concentric circles, whirlpooling around each other...a comforting notion...Be well, Poet...& congratulations on the new baby!!! 
Wanda
-
I Like this vilanelle... and the way you used Mon-day... that's brilliant... thanx for sharing...
mina -
Excellent
Again, great use of the vilanelle form. You write incredibly well and I have enjoyed reading all of your pieces that are in the contest. Again a very creative piece. I love the contrast in the second stanza - 'I cleaned out the pantry & then polish my gun', very effective! Another great poem and thankyou for entering it into the contest
-
This was kind of surreal. I read it several times,I found it very intriguing. Very nicely put together, I love the format. This is good stuff, good luck withthe contest!
spork! -
I decided to check out some of your other stuff after reading your contest poem. I really liked this too, and could relate to it! If my husband takes our 2 yr old somewhere, I can get a lot done!
Anyway, I look forward to reading some more of yours, and plan to put you on my favorites...
-
is that a magic cleaning implement in his hands.lovely images from this poem of a bit of a wierd crazy yet stoic person.hope he cleans up the blood perfectly as well as pouring some domestos into his arms to make sure infection doesnt set in. great read thanks.
-
Intriguing Completely
Another fine vision of domestic bliss with nightmare faces. Love the journey to these odd little places with Dali-esque people.
Dunno how you do it, but I hope it's legal.
-
New baby? Now THAT, Poet, is another role definition all together!
Yeah: the script is cast ... so to speak (no pun intended LOL)
-
god I wish, my cupboards are a disaster, and with the new baby on the way eesh? I know I've got my work cut out for me now. thanks by the way.
-
Do you ever write anything not madly perfect?
I loved this poem, Horus8 ... Sometimes you sound so extaordinary normal LOL Cleaning the faces of cupboards? Wow. How neat. Now: open those doors, Poet! Let the play begin ... 
Myra
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
1 old applause
