A lazy old dog on the porch in the Sun
Looking for biscuits and sleeping for fun
Wasn't this way when his life had begun
But now he is happy with lazing
A lazy old dog had a walk for a while
In summer the walking is done in slow style
His owner beside him and wearing a smile
The views in the heat are all hazing
A lazy old dog how is dreaming of eats
Of ham from a sandwich or similar treats
If she came out here he would lie on her feets
The porch in the sun is amazing
This lazy old dog now comes in for the night
No time for day dreaming by now that ain't right
It's night and its time that she turned out the light
Real dreams while he's happily lazing
A contest entry
- for the love of dogs. by jossiemarie.
300 points, ended July 10, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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"Feats"? Should that read "feets"?
That comment below about Hoagey Carmichael is spot on.
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George is a dog who is very strong on metaphor!
But I've changed it as you are the third to make the comment
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Teach him a new trick!
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Lovely.
xxx
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What fun!
I can hear Hoagie Carmichael singing this.
Tom
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you vary your rhythm in the final stanza into a charming and playful skip with areturn at the final line of the poem to the exact rhythm of your other final lines,,, this is a very fine, complex piece of work with a light hearted, hilarious, god this is funny
.. ahem, anyhow, and your aaab type of rhyme scheme with sound rhymes blaring is pure unadulterated fine, pure and artsy doggerl (however you spell it) and i don't mean in the bad way but in the time honored tradition of drinking songs and merry times ... nice inflected emphasis back to 'she' at the end also ... this one has everything I look for in a fun poem ...
... cheers, this ones is a howl
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And a happier dog you would never find if this was his life. Pull me up a mat and I might join him lol Love, C
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your poem is brilliant, but you seem to finish each paragraph with a line that just seems a bit odd, and doesnt really fit with how brilliant the rest of the poem is.
it left me slightly disapointed, as i reached the end of each paragraph expecting something brilliant only to find that every time it left me feeling slightly deflated, espesially the last sentence.
other than all your end lines to your paragraphs i thought it was brilliant.
well done and good luck. -
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It is a rather informal poetry form known as "triplets" however if it's not to your taste I'll see if I can pen you a sonnet later, at th very least I'll try to beef up the final kicker
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a true poet
lol see now that shows you are a true poet, something i could never claim to be, i just like to read it, and chuck down my thoughts or feelings in a way i hope seem slightly poetic.
dont change your work because of me though, but if you have the time, tell me how triplets work and that way i will be able to judge your work fairly.
((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
joss. xxx
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