"BUT..."
Shut up bitch! Did I say you can speak!
Oh look your crying. Now your weak.
Mr. you think your tough. All in my face.
Loud yelling about your right, im wrong, your strong. Please move that shit along.
"LET ME EXPLAIN..."
Didn't I say shut the fuck up! I didnt let you speak. You dont seem to understand.Gosh your not a man.
I havent cut off your ears just yet. So please sit still and chill for the time will come soon.
First will be your tongue. Im sick of you putting me down. Annoyed of your excuses,Im appalled by you!I dont wanna listen to the stories, your lies cuz all it ever did was waste my time.
Any last pathetic,bleak,piddling words before your no longer able to speak,to beg?
"PLEASE DONT DO THIS. WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS,"
Dont make me luagh.Forgive you I will not, forget you I will.
"I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL FOR THIS"
Every minute with you, everything you put me through was hell. And I'll see you there. Maybe we can burn together forever.
The smell of your blood brings me such delight. You put up such a fight. Your blood curling screams all feed my needs.
And all the begging is just a bonus.
Now this is tough what should go next? You're ears or your eyes?
I want you to see the baster you are every time you look into the mirror.Your love for me was a disaster.
But then I want you to hear the enrangment and enjoyment in my voice. None the less its all my choice and Ive made my decision.
Your ears will be next.
Its not like you listen to what I ever say, day after day. Plus I want you to see the smile on my face as I have no remorse as you turn into a corpse.
Shake your head all you want. You know you were so fake.
This is the last thing you"ll ever hear.
I love you... but its time to go.
Your eyes are full of fear. I try not to smile in the bliss of this moment.
All you spoke was evil, all I saw was evil, and all I ever hear was evil.
I blow you a kiss, and wave goodbye.
As you slowly slowly die.
{AFTER KILLING}
The warmth of the blood lingered on my fingers.
The sound of screams in dispair echo in my ears.
No movement, no more struggle.
No more of his drunken nights, his abuse, spiting on me and putting me to his use.
No more bruises,blak eyes, no more nights I will cry.
No more false promises, lies of love.
I smile with satifaction,
Gosh I made a mess...whos gonna clean this up?
Author notes
Okay I know its a bit long, But Im a very angery person and i wrote this with emotion and I hope you feel it when your reading it.
I put it in dialogue form becuase I thought maybe you could get the feel of feel of her yelling at him.
Ive never really wote anything like this so i gave it my best shot. I hope you like and pls feel free to critique.
A contest entry
- Silence Within Darkness by Deathwolf Tasagka.
1800 points, ended July 24, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Mental Asylum by RemovedName.
1750 points, ended July 30, 63 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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WEll I felt it alright. I felt the severe brutality and the sick pleasure in my very own veins. Shit, this is the stuff I get off on (in the least literal sense; I'm not entirely sick)
Well, the bastard that made you feel like this - I hope he reads this and cries his little heartless-box out, because this is intense and severe. In fact, I pray you direct it to him pronto.
Fantastically powerful piece, raw and it reads well despite the lack of form. Flow wasn't spot-on but in a piece like this it goes unnoticed. You've done a great job with your emotions - ah, raw emotion, how well you write...
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Upon all the tremdous spelling errors. it was hard to understand in a way, who was the one yelling and who was the one crying. But it was a descent write. Just Insanity was strong in it, whiched I liked. It was just wow, haha. I just wasnt expecting for a roller coater ride like this ( Thats in a good way ). Interesting write. The Best of Luck in the contest.
Sincerely,
Deathwolf Tasagka
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You have sent me this link asking for 'some feedback and critque on it', ergo:
The spelling errors in this (as well as the grammar) put me off tremendously, but I am not sure how strict the contest holder is about that sort of thing, so I shall bypass all of them
The sentiment behind this could be more powerful ... there's not enough hate in it to actually feel the anger (you know what I mean?)
There is a touch of insanity in here with the closing line which brought it all together nicely, so well done on that
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