Early morning
filters through a fence,
each triangle; transformers of light
connections to each other,
cast minute shadows.
One lone bluebird
walking a tightrope of links,
perfectly balanced on tiny feet
as she opens her cobalt wings
and sings.
(c) Debby Sorensen Carlson
July 09, 2008
Author notes
Author Notes : Debby Sorensen Carlson . Amarathine Lover
A contest entry
- Best All-Around Prewrites From 2008 by amaranthine lover.
1400 points, ended January 9, 27 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Got an HM You Think Deserves Better? by Paloszoo.
900 points, ended April 9, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Hi. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck! I’ve decided to use a slightly edited version of my friend Arkbear’s grading scoreboard to help me judge this contest. I hope he doesn’t mind. It’ll aid me in organizing my thoughts and judging fairly versus randomly. I hope you enjoy it and find it helpful. Writers with the highest possible points out of 80 will obviously win
Title Appeal: 8.75 – Simple title, which gives an awful lot away about the poem. Not sure if I would click on it or not.
Poem Flow: 9.75 – Excellent flow!
Depth: 9.85 – Nice impact! Great imagery, both visual and auditory. I’ll remember this even after I’m done reading it.
Emotional Impact: 8.65 – Gave me warm fuzzies, but didn’t linger and touch me deeply.
Spelling and Grammar: 10 – Beautiful!
Punctuation and Caps: 9.5 – I *might* add a couple of commas. I’m not sure
Presentation: 10 – Perfect!
Personal Appeal: 9.55 – I can go either way with nature poems. I really liked this one, though! Way to go!
My score: 76.05/80.00
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beautiful.
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Thank you so much and thank you for the contest. Blessings. Debby
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What a beautiful image of another day in our lives, Seeing the glory which god made for us to enjoy. Thanks friend for sharing this with me...
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darryl
Thank ya darryl. I was at work early one morning and saw this. It was such a blessing.
d
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This is a really beautiful poem. You truly paint a picture with your words in the mind of the reader. I love it. Excellent poem.
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Michael
Thank you so much ! I'm so glad you enjoyed it.. Blessings..d
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Vivid Visuals !
Aw, Sis, this is so good and so vivid. You have truly painted a gorgeous morning that is so easy to see and so easy to enjoy. Well done, my darling Sister!
Much love and hugs, SisBon
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SIS
Thank you.. It was a gorgeous morning. HUgs n muchhhhhhhhhhhhhh love..d
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Very cute write here
Oh I love to watch the birds and my fvorite is the scissortails
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I like how each line is so descriptive, and then the last line is "and sings." It is so simple that I can almost hear the simple and beautiful melody of birdsong.
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jadeangyal
I am so glad you enjoyed this piece. Thank you ! Blessings. d
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'I see the sparrow pecking in the pebbles; and, I become the sparrow pecking in the pebbles' John Keats
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rollingzen
Thank you !!
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