i stare at your picture, hanging on my wall
tracing your lips in fingertips, shuddering i fall
we had it all
remembering back to loving you in long since better days
the subtle tricks, the cruelty, the pain that time portrays
in so many ways
as i sit quietly, holding back cold tears
i feel the ripping of my heart, in agony it shears
so many lost years
echos in my mind, things you said, rushing past too fast
the chaos contorting reality in a life that too soon passed
nothing can last
the surging in my pulse rises, drawing me to my knees
as the pain grips my center like violent stormy seas
then it flees
my heart bursts from my chest in a cry of memory
i see your spirit glowing bright and coming forth to me
my soul is free
Author notes
i tried to make a poem like if some body you loved died an you were so hear broken that it when you looked at there picture it gave you a heart attack an there soul came to pick you up as you died to join them like ultimate heartache so bad it kills you
A contest entry
- Silence Within Darkness by Deathwolf Tasagka.
1800 points, ended July 24, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Emotion of Darkness by Strawberry Wolf.
450 points, ended July 21, 2008, 21 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
Wow! This is really heart wrenching! You've done a great job with this, especially considering this is not your PERSONAL experience! Way to go!
-
as i said 4 daltons contest... amazing write! and once again u've got a good chance and placing!
-
I think the raw emotions you put into this poem was undoubtedly perfect. But just to me, I felt as if it was rushed, but thats just me anyway. But all in all, I loved it and in my opinion its a winning poem in this contest.
-
Nice!
Very dramatically written, young poet. I can see the heartache in this one. Good job.
-
that was amazing! i think u have a good chance at 1st or 2nd place.... but im not the judge..... still amazing write!
-
Hmm, Now this is scriptive. Intelligent casting of desperation and loss. Its brilliatly detailed, and coloured brightly with many emotions. True to word, you done an excellent job on re-editing this. Great job and good luck in the contest.
Sincerely,
Deathwolf Tasagka -
I like this thought of death, this was interesting. Your flow was alittle unstabled, you rushed I can tell, too eagered to overpower my verdict. But your courage is delightful, so i'll go easy on you. But interesting write, i enjoyed it. Thanks for entering the contest, and the best of luck dear.
Sincerely,
Deathwolf Tasagka
-
AWW!! That is an amazing poem with a great story line. I really like that thought. Though it's sad that the person is so hurt that they die..but it's romantic and ever so sweet. I love the rythem and the rhyme. It didn't seem forced at all. <333
Wonderful job, really. hehe.
I think it should be made into a song, truthfully. It's gorgeous.
"i stare at your picture on my wall
tracing your lips in the air as i fall
we had it all" -..makes me wanna cry.
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
