waiting for the bus
july yelling
swelling the tonsils
of this thick city
it’s a ball soup day
wet
limp
and dangling
but there is something
about the squealing
of the tires
brakes gripping
with metal muscles
the hot asphalt
screaming
pumping
shooting its electronic orgasm
past 130 degrees
a hissing like heat
when it meets
the mouth of
god
i hear it coming
&
it reminds me
of you
in the
morning
Author notes
tee.
hee.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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the first 50 times i've looked at this title - i see it as ass hat.. (don't ask)
this has incredible alliteration (thick city)
and even better
some wonderful internal rhyme that pumps this piece into a heated frenzy-
my question? heat when it meets the mouth of god? it sounds great but i'm not sure i get the image..
but the rest of em.. yeah.. ball soup day- yeah.. i get the rest
wonderful stuff-
i've grown to expect nothing less
m
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yelling, swelling... heat, meets... i love the sounds of this as well as the pacing...
wonderful imagery and a playful but hot close
really nice entry here...
al -
Oh yes. Took me down, then whipped me at the end. Love this.
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It reminds me of a lot of [ahem ] "yous"
tee-hee
I am so ashamed of myself
☼Becky☼
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lmao..I love how you set the poem up for the ending...
this is such an enjoyable read...read it a few times & got more from it each time...best of luck in the contest..
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whoops, that was supposed to be three but I got tab happy.
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I never, ever have critiques for you.
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Awww...c'mon, you gotta have a critique for me SOME where (is that a critique in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?).
I just entered your pre-write contest...please feel free to lash me with the cat'o'nines!
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alright so, umm....
yeah I really got nothing but I fucking love your endings.
i want your endings.
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