so i drempt

i awoke in a forest full of strange things...strange places..
but the strangest of all was you.
your eyes seemed to shimmer with the innocents of a young one,
when you were far ahead
such innocence took me by surprise
and in this desolate wasteland i felt i had to know you... to teach you.
you entranced me with talks of butterflies and things..
things i have never seen.
you pulled me from my pit and i breathed the air,
wet and moist from the downpour of rain.


and we danced.


the rain was moist on my skin, for years of loneliness had worn me away
and in this downpour i felt a rebirth
i felt new.
a strange feeling caressed my face and the strangest of things happened...
i smiled at you.
not the cynical smile i had grinned at myself as i sat alone in my tomb
but a genuine smile
the feeling so new it began to hurt
but i couldnt stop.


so i smiled.



and though i heard the distant thunder crashes, and yes i saw the lightning flashes
they meant nothing, not while you are here
and the depression began to fade
or at least i think it did
and words started pouring
and i started opening doors thats haddent been open since him...
the dust covered everything, it was inches thick
but you blew it away and began to read
began to love.


so you read


and i kept talking, not stopping
for the words wouldnt stop coming
and you read and you smiled
i worried and i sighed.
worried that you would leave if you knew too much
you are innocent after all, all those rainbows you speak of
and this darkness that i have lived in...that has lived inside of me....
would frighten you,
but the words built up
and cascaded out of my lips...


so i sang


and i haddent sang with such a clear tone in such a long time..
but it didnt matter,
i was singing for you
all the embarrassment faded and left me here, with you.
and although we painted with black,
the colours seemed to become so vivid, so bright.
such colours i have never seen,
such warmth in such cold rain i have never felt
for years it was just cold cold rain, covering me, engulfing me.
but the colours seemed to warm, almost explode..
and we danced
and i smiled
and you read
so i sang.

but i'm still afraid, there is that small fear in the back of my mind that just tells me something will go wrong, one slip of the rope ladder and i will fall again..
please dont let me fall....

and he seized and you werent there, but i know if you were
you would have helped, you would have held.
for dear i was so scared in those few moments that i had lost something so important to me...
the only man whos ever really loved me.
and i feared for my sisters, and my brother.
especially my sister, who hasnt had much, but needs worlds
who can paint words with some of the brightest colours i have ever seen,
if only she could see them...

and i cried

and i screamed

and all i ever wanted was to see those silver linings
to feel the warmth of the cold cold rain.
to paint with those beautiful bright warm colours...

and now i have.
because of you.
i love you.
i hope you love me too.