I searched the dictionary this morning
looking for the perfect word to
describe how I feel.
I found several that seemed relative
but once I applied them to myself,
they seemed to lose their flavor,
like a stale cigarette left to burn
out its last moments
in silence and solitude.
An enigma wrapped in a riddle
wrapped in an enigma.
And we laughed together.
But how fitting that little adage is!
Individually and together, we are
a Rarity.
A conundrum.
A puzzle making little to no sense
to anyone outside our little world.
But no matter,
as we are set adrift on the
rough seas of the future with land
winking coyly along the horizon,
it occurs to me that you
are not the raft to hold me aloft
nor are you the life vest wrapped
around my midsection
to prevent drowning.
Instead,
you are the fortitude that allows me to keep
Swimming,
fighting the desire to sink below the waves.
Guiding me towards you
with gentle chivalry and
Instilling a hope within me to
s.u.r.v.i.v.e.
Author notes
X.X.X.
In a list
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
I think there are a lot of strong points in this piece. The weak points distract from the piece too much though. The repetition of words within lines so close together doesn't work for me. It makes sense within the context of the narrator searching through the dictionary, but it doesn't work within the poem.
With a bit of revision, this could be really strong. Rather than telling the reader that "you and I" are a conundrum (I LOVE that word!), show us instead.
Thanks for entering. -
Aw this is a sweet poem.
I liked the ending the best though just because it remindes me of not losing hope, that maybe you have found something to help you to survive in this harsh little world. It just gives the poem the final twist and just adds to the flavor of it.
-------------------------------------
Instead,
you are the fortitude that allows me to keep
Swimming,
fighting the desire to sink below the waves
---------------------------------------
A very deep but thoughtful piece.
I liked this one very much.
-
Such an emotional and heartfelt write.
Beautifull expressed your thoughts.
Thanks for entering & best of luck
-
it confused me
-
awww i think its kinda sad.
love the ending!!
" s.u.r.v.i.v.e "
great job! -
This entire piece is laid out so perfectly...
first looking at the complexities of ourselves is written in a form that is so unique,
trying to find a single word to condense yourself into a single word .
Realizing that is not possible because of our individuality it unfolds so beautifully into the writer lamenting the difficulties that living brings
and realizes that pure inspiration,
not pity or sorrow
that another soul brings with love and guidance.
How truly wonderful when love comes
from someone that is for you,
believes in you
cheers for you
and gives you strength to carry on.
This is top drawer writing
filled with awareness and learning
of ourselves
and the souls
and guides that step into our lives...
sometimes just before
were about to go down.
Another phenomenal piece gypsy,
Many Blessings always,
LOWELL.
-
this simply kicks ass in my opinion
-
YEAH!
I like the bit, about - the raft and lifevest not being, and fortitude.
Awesome stuff.
-
First and foremost, OMFG. This was just the pick me up I needed. I love this whole poem but let me see if I can isolate the elements without making myself appear too "marmellowy".
"they seemed to lose their flavor,
like a stale cigarette left to burn
out its last moments
in silence and solitude."
I've always wanted to use that image in something but never could quite figure out why it made me depressed to see a but burning to ash untouched. You captured it beautifully.
"Individually and together, we are
a Rarity.
A conundrum.
A puzzle making little to no sense
to anyone outside our little world."
Very true, I find myself mentioning things we did and people respond with "and? So?" But I know they are moments we will cherish forever.
"are not the raft to hold me aloft
nor are you the life vest wrapped
around my midsection
to prevent drowning.
Instead,
you are the fortitude that allows me to keep
Swimming,
fighting the desire to sink below the waves."
Very beautiful imagery, I am truthfully a little envious of your writing ability. Maybe in time I can coerce you to teach me your wondrous ways.
"Guiding me towards you
with gentle chivalry and
Instilling a hope within me to
s.u.r.v.i.v.e."
If our hearts beat as one, then we must count on each other to help the other survive, no matter what life throws at us.
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
