Locked deep inside is a soul,
being held captive,
imprisoned by a mind
that is out of control.
Can you see me?
A hostage, caged
by my own thoughts,
wanting freedom
but unable to find the key
that will unlock this insanity.
Quicksand holding me in
this hell-hole of pain,
sucking me down
pulling me under,
until I sink from sight.
I beg of you….
someone please hear me,
help me out
as I am drowning
in my own thoughts.
What must I do
to get back my sanity
before I am gone?
Will I ever come back?
or will I remain…..
Trapped…..
an inmate in my own mind.
Author notes
As you can see, this poem is rewritten. I collaborated with "ABOOMER" on this version. We'd love your honest feed back. Credit to http://pshcholka.deviantart.com/art/in-the-dark-63622908
A contest entry
- Dark Picture Contest by fairytalelovestory.
350 points, ended September 21, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I want readers to give me honest feedback and any suggestions you may have.
Comments
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Wonderful
Very creative and so well expressed. Thank you for sharing. best of luck in the contest.
-
Insightfully, this looks like a life prison, and one you can't seem to clear yourself of, and in a way, seems claustrophobic, best wishes, and take care.
-
I think it reads smoother - but then I am prejudiced...lol....
let me know how the comments go on this please. Whether or not we should 'tweak' the 'tweak'...
best wishes
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