swimming against the tide
until my arms become weary
and I can no longer hold my head above
the water
I float like jetsam
tossed by the waves
too exhausted to move
too emptied to care
I follow the current
unrest growing in my heart
as the white water takes me
far away from the place I want to be
then, my arms begin to move
and my legs churn
and slowly I languidly
begin to fight again.
A contest entry
- plight of the individual by unraveled.
2000 points, ended July 19, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
very simple but you get your point across. i wish there was more vivid imagery in here because i like the parts you do have. the end is really what makes the subject stand out, without it the poem is a bit too dark. some punctuation would be good, some of the transitions are rough. on the other hand this is a well done approach to the subject.
thank you for entering,
-cassidy
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