Ponderous and plodding,
We go marching through,
Lush wastelands of mortality,
Desolate but for lies confectionary,
Rotting the eyes,
Blinding....
All deaf to the bedlam,
Deaf to the cacophony,
Of masses lost in a song,
Lamentations private,
Unheard, unhindered,
Uncaring.....
The raucous calls all lonely,
Willing not to listen now,
Never willing at all,
Deaf, blind but not mute,
Ever wailing ones weary woes,
Leave that horse to rest,
In the dust....
Left by the passing of the days,
That lingers here in memory,
Mouths wide open, weeping,
Ears closed without remorse,
Hearing not the tragic tale,
Happiness flew above, leaving
Sorrow down below...
Loudly crying as silence meets,
Fractures in the madness,
So the beast wanders through,
To lay low the craven flocks,
Bolstering the isolation,
Widening the communication rift,
Rapture in the fallow fields,
Ever waiting the reaping,
Playing selfish, hollow games,
Blinded, deafened and deluded,
But damn you...
Never mute..
Author notes
prompt - the plight of the individual
A contest entry
- plight of the individual by unraveled.
2000 points, ended July 19, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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there's a lot of excess commas in this and some stanza breaks would be nice. also, i think there's some parts you could edit out like "willing not to listen now, never willing at all". but the poem as a whole is pretty good, i just had a really short attention span throughout and it was hard to keep from zoning out. i liked the ending but not really the ellipses (...)
but very nice ideas. don't let my criticism get you down, i just noticed it all.
thank you for entering,
-cassidy
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Love that ending!! This is stark and kinda damning of the way we often feel.. those who walk in the shadows! Yep yep.. my mind has been this way lately indeed!!
YOu always give me pause with your writes!
-
Dark Truth...
So many levels to this write my friend! Such an honest penning...not pretty here all the time is it? Loved this!
Blessed be~
Sue
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