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House [Dark]

dark
 
Thoughts penetrated by scars unseen,
yet those who think I'm smiling don't know
that inside, I choose to bleed
 
Forsake my house and all who dwell there
My pain is their pleasure
 
Some leave scars with blades and bad relationships
I find my pain in parents who don't want me
 
 

Author notes

Pic credit: Dolls Asylum by edera-ladygoth

comes from this contest: http://allpoetry.com/contest/2413256

Lowercase Prelude
"Cut out my eyes so I can't see this cruel world hates me"

Option 4:
Enter your best prewrites
If you want to do this one you cant do the other ones unless you beg.

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • Sortingthroughlife
    January 16
    Edit | Reply
    Great job, makes me sad and depressed.
    You have such a way with words.


  • movedon
    July 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I see that you've won more than one trophy for this poem. It was well deserved. The last line really hit home for me. My biological father failed me..in all walks of life but my new daddy adopted me and for once I'm loved by a parent....I almost cried at this. Lovely.

    Warmest,
    Mylee


  • RawrSmileBabyPlz
    July 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great i seriously loved this and the picture. thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
    ..<3..
    Shelly


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    July 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    thank you


  • sophia moonfairy
    July 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing! I like this and pretty picture good job<3


  • Mistress Masquerade
    July 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This hit really close to home, I'm sure you heard that a lot, but.. it really does. Your emotions came across loud and clear, the picture is beautiful as well. Haha, good luck.


  • Sweet Impatience gold member
    July 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this hits so close to home for me.. the emotions are quite strong, very powerful. they literally jump right off the page with this poem of yours.

    its the scars that others don't always see, but they are there and we are the ones who can't forget.

    excellent job with the prompt..

    Congratulations on the Honorable Mention.

    kat


  • LovesPlayToy
    July 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow that is the only word i can think to describe it!

  • garde a l eau
    July 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A dark paintaaing and a dark poem to suit. This reminds me of "Christina" another painting that challenges the observer to look inward.

    Your words leave the ache and haunt of an abandoned heart, that could hold so much warmth and glory if only seeds of love had been tended.


  • IrishGypsyRose silver member
    July 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow!

    this left me speechless....I also love the image. It falls in perfectly with the piece. I can relate to this piece as well....Some leave scars with blades and bad relationships
    I find my pain in parents who don't want me
    very deep and full of emotions. Awesome write. BRAVO!!! ~mandie~


  • spideracer gold member
    July 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Great

    The photo and your words fit very well, like they were meant to be. Your imagery is perfection at its best. Well done.


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    July 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Whoa.
    Amazing poem! The imagery and emotions just pour over me and nearly drown me.
    I love this line:
    "I choose to bleed" Shocking and fabulous!


    Stay safe
    ~Manda


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    July 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    really? sorry. i didn't purposefully break the rules.


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    July 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    So sad! That kind of pain cut deep scars indeed!! A lot of darkness in this.. excellently done..

    Over the word limit, but an emotional and deep take!


  • Kari gold member
    July 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    That kind of pain really does suck. This one hit very close to home with me. The images, and reality in this poem are great!
    Good luck.


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    July 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh yeah. thanks for reminding me


  • Kari gold member
    July 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Don't forget to let her know if u want light or dark

1 - 18 of 18