Past is still holding onto a lingering flame
Beauty of the black wings consists in its complexity
Deceiving of one's hope in a shadow of disguise
Misleading path to a cold isolation
Entangle into a knot of unfulfilling dreams
Defining the words on that poisonous lips
Cold bitterness taste..my desire
Falling from the sun dust burning away my sanity
Detaching the feathers from its whole
Enslaved by my twisted emotions
Confront with an impossible fate
Vividly shown of my dark insecurity
Pale coldness my tears fading away
Grasping onto my consciousness
...my fragments fades away...
Author notes
I'm inspired by this picture:
http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk219/fallingparadise/RealFantasy/18-angelnegro.jpg
Well I'm sure it's under 100 words...
A contest entry
- overnight contest. by iverbthenoun.
300 points, ended July 12, 2008, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
We shall cease writing to the past
when it finally passes.
The lost angel in all her beauty ...
Outstanding!
Enjoyed it lass,
Lowell Poe.
-
Ibar, you stupid...this is one of her best works. sounds quit...jesenia's sexy...
-
oooooo i love this love it love it love it. wow this is deep man real deep. Love it man, what more can i say other than exceptional.definetly bookmarking this for a re-read.
-
-
thank you for your kind words..I'm glad you enjoy it
and no yours is not choppy ..to me it's runs smoothly and the dark feeling is very intense!
Lieu
-
-
brilliant
Dark, abstract, emotional, full of meaning.
I am not lying--I would never say something like this if it were un true...
But this is probably one of the best poems I've seen on my two whole days on allpoetry.
I can't wait to read more of your stuff. -
-
lol..I'm glad you like it..and again welcome to AP
Lieu
-
-
i don't like the repetition of the word fade... i know i know you used it twice that too differently, but i don't like it. otherwise you have given your best effort behind this. good luck
-
-
I take critic as a improvement to change my mistakes and make my writing better..so thank you very much for your honesty
Lieu
-
-
Mmmm doesn't feel like this may be your best work and as I read through it, it feels like there's a very solid cut after every line. Beginning anew, in which cuts the flow~
But that's just me, I like flow and transitions between lines
And you sure do write a lot of dark poems Lieu ^^ and hitting those contests hard too
Anywho, on to the rest of the comments! mmmm, feels more of abstract thoughts within the lines. There's very little imagery in my opinion, but lots of phrases describing something of thoughts.
It's ok, but not the best! Keep on writing though *hugs*!
Ibar
-
-
Thank Ibar..and yeah that's what I was aiming for though...I'm putting it as thought and ideas..not feelings..and yep you're right about one thing it isn't my best because I work on this at the last minuter lol...it was 1:21am this morning when I wrote this...lol..
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
