You cut on the table
The same way you cut on your arm
And I don't want you to see what this does to me
You tear yourself apart, and tear up my heart
Why do you destroy all that you are?
You're 18 years old, but have come so far
And I don't care what I lose, I'll give it all up
As long as I don't lose you
You're beautiful
Even through all the blood and tears
That you claim make you ugly
And help to fuel your fear of a better life
My dear, please look at me
Now don't you see the truth in my eyes
I wouldn't lie
I wouldn't lie...
Why do you destroy all that you are?
You're 18 years old, but have come so far
And I don't care what I lose, I'll give it all up
As long as I don't lose you
Comments
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this is like fallen angel part 2 lol
but damn thats deep
reminds me of a friend i have.. -
Nicely expressed sentiments and I can definitely feel the emotions you have towards its subject here. Like Rie below, I'd also like to see this worked on a little, maybe with the use of more figurative devices, simile, metaphor, imagery etc. The subject obviously means a lot to you and you do capture these well. Keep writing, there's great potential here.
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its sweet, but doesnt really... hold it self up, do you know what i mean? it was nice, good lines, but just doesnt have what it needs... it should be revised at a later time.
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Sad...
This is beautifully penned emotions. It made me cry. That is hard to do, but it wasn't a bad thing. I want a poem to touch me deeply. That is how I know that it is worthy of reading. Yours, my dear, was well worth the read...Hope it gets better. ~mandie~
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