Fundamental beneath perceived chaos
there exists undying affinity
it dances graceful movements of union
by shimmer of fate we have found its core
and eager bade to join with it as one.
How could such a thing be accidental
that shared vision could behold perfection
in tiny things others consider flaws?
As knee bends so too should life's struggle yield
to that which presents itself invincible
when no other compass shows direction.
Firmly embedded is complete knowledge
that this is no specter but tangible
more so than crude boulders blocking pathways.
One thousand lifetimes could never succeed
in finding strength stronger than foundation.
Author notes
Cerulean
OPTION 3:
~Poem Exert~
"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep."
Taken from: 'Sonnet XVII' © Pablo Neruda
A contest entry
- Contest for Today's Poem Members ONLY!!!!! by Todays Poem Box.
1700 points, ended July 22, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
-
Detailed comments are best
"perceived chaos"
What you perceive is what you see..<--my failure to say something deep...but hey, I tried. Liked the phrase, so to speak dude
"eager bade to join it with one."
At first I saw "blade"<--my eyes mistake everything for darkness. This is cool, making eagerness seem like a noun..well, it's cool!
"in tiny things others consider flaws"
Nice observation...
"As knees bend"
Wow. Cool simile!!
Bleh. How about I copy & paste the entire poem & say AWESOME?!!
You better get Gold, or I'm having a word with the judges--it's not overly metaphor-ed, overly simile-d, and it's plain good writing.
-
Constructive comment:
"Fundamental beneath perceived chaos
there exists undying affinity"
.. for all the noise there is but one fluid beat to notion, and that is love's unity ..
"How could such a thing be accidental
that shared vision could behold perfection
in tiny things others consider flaws?"
.. sigh ..
"Firmly embedded is complete knowledge
that this is no specter but tangible"
.. perceived to be true ..
Love; without a true foundation it could never be. Lovely take on the prompt. Thanks for your entry!
-
always wonderfully written . . . this is no different,
thank you for taking the time to enter and
best of luck!!!
Tasha
-
as per contest rules please put name in author notes
-
-
No
Just kidding. -
-
oh ssh mark and put ur name down
-
-
I did, I did.
-
-
-
-
I just love the soft flow and how wonderful just reading this piece is. The language is beautiful and the emotions even more so, and forced me to read this twice. Beautiful job!
-
... soppy yet with such avid sentiment behind this one - lovely!
-
Oh wow.. this is so stunning bro! Absolutely outstanding!!
I adore the thoughts in this.. especially how we can see perfection in what other's think as flaws when we love someone... I adored that as I really like little quirks that people have..
This whole write has a feeling of surpassing love.. that can overcome any barrier...
Bookmarking this one for sure!
-
-
-
Reminds me of struggle and needing to remember my strengths that I sometimes am withou
-
This puts Hallmark to shame! Stunning piece of poetry you have penned here my friend, just breathtaking! You go big guy! Gorgeous!
-
oh my this is beautiful, I don't know what else to say, it was wonderful, good luck in the contest!
Blessings,
~Michaela~
. Rewarded 4
-
Oh gosh this is just beautiful it is more then good silly very nice write for her wish you luck in the contest much love always
-
<
Okies I revised and hopefully can call this the breathless version. -
<
The "bland" part is so the reader may catch their breath. lol The poem is for you of course and completely from my heart.
I love you.
Adding your comment:
1 - 20 of 20
