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It's breaking my heart

It’s breaking my heart
To see us like this
How can it be
That this problem persists?

And it’s breaking my heart
That we don’t even know
What we’re doing to each other
It just goes to show

That it’s breaking my heart
And inside I feel numb
I don’t know who you are anymore
Or what you have become

Now it’s breaking my heart
Because I know I need more
Than what our love is right now,
An endless suffering war

So it’s breaking my heart
'Cause now I know what you think
Because you tell me in every fight
And I’m starting to see a link

It breaks my heart
How quickly times change
How lives rearrange
But what I find strange

Is how my heart breaks so easily
Incomplete, unfulfilled
Broken and shattered
Fragile and still.

Author notes

I've just wrote this right at this minute. Me and my boyfriend. Wow. Not a great time for us at all. It's not that good, so expect lots of changes soon to it. Any comments are appreciated, thanks everyone

( Second.Choice )

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 24 of 24

  • hey charlie
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Yay! I hate rhyme but by some strange twist of fate, you made it work to your advantage. Way to go. I really love the feel to this poem, it flows so well.

    Thanks for entering!

  • Davidlee
    July 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Guess what? I loved it .... It touched me so much, I want to pull my song/poems out of every contest I am in with you .. because your writes are so good. I can relate to the battles of love as well and how it sometimes leaves you numb and still and you painted a perfect picture here of how I feel at times ... this is by far one of the best poems I have read in awhile. I'm just down right amazed Very best of luck with the contests, if I was a judge .. well ... you'd have so many trophies!

    • Second.Choice
      July 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Wow! Thankyou so much thats like the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me Thankyou so much for your lovely comment! You've made my day
      xxx


  • poetic-enigma21
    July 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    well , i guess had i been in your place i would have come up with a similar piece too
    nice write and i loved the flow
    keep pening
    thanks for sharing
    cheers


  • Pixielated
    July 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Yeah, hard times, been there. But if it's someone you really want to work things out with, and they do too, you'll figure a way to do it. Sometimes getting everything out in the open, and being honest can really help.
    The style is nice, and it flows well. And your meaning was right there, and something to connect to. Good job, thanks for the entry.
    Pixie


    • Second.Choice
      July 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Aww thanks for the lovely comment! & Thankyou for taking the time to read my poem!
      xx


  • Elle Kaye
    July 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A heartfelt poem, the slight change of the repeated first line of each stanza is written in such a way that it almost does not SOUND repetative, The second last stanza is a little awkward., as the three last lines all ryhme instead of the otherwise fluent A,B,C,B scheme of the rest of the poem. Otherwise a nice write full of sadness, Thank you for entering this in the silvosian members contest, Best of luck.


  • lechap
    July 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like it. It's a very heartfelt poem. I love the repetion with alteration that starts all the stanzas, but I think you can do better then something as cliche as breaking my heart. Perhaps "shattering my cardia", or "it schisms mi amor", but I have red hair so take my advice with a grain of salt. You might get gingivitis! Lol, south park anyone? either way have some clappies

    • Second.Choice
      July 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Awee thanks for commenting my poem, I'll definately take your advice into account, I know alot of my poems are very cliche repetitive stanza's, I'm trying to adapt to a new style of writing. Thanks so much for the constructive critisism and lol! Gingivitus!
      Thanks for commenting
      xx


  • edit my world.
    July 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Cos...should be either because or...'cause...slang meh isnt amazing at times

    anyway this is beautiful. i'm sorry that you and your boyfriend are having issues but its lovely how you took ur situatation and made it into something. you showed a lot of emotion here...so much that i wanna ship over oreos and peanut butter your way lol.

    thanks for entering doll good luck

    ♥Toxic

    • Second.Choice
      July 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Whoops, sorry about the little slang in there! Didn't even realise it lol.

      Thanks for taking the time to comment my poem, I appreciate that there are alot of poems you need to see I'm kind of looking forward to the oreos and peanut butter to be honest lol, thanks for commenting

      xx


  • Jocelyn.Jaded
    July 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hey I really like this. In the shameless box it says "it isn't that good =\" but you know what? I think its really and it seems like a real song done by some famuos singer xDD. Well Im sure a lot of people feel this way with their boyfriend and very great write! Keep it up. ^_^


    • Second.Choice
      July 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Awwee thanks Im glad that you really like it Thanks for commenting
      xx


  • Luckintheshadows
    July 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    yeah, I been there too...but I just love this, I don't know how much editing you've done to it, but for the record I think this is brilliant as it is. I love the slight repitition/changes you use for the first line of each stanza, really gives the poem a great impact on an emotional level. And your last 2 stanzas are superb!

    Thank you so much for sharing this, and for taking the time to enter my contest,

    Luck.

    • Second.Choice
      July 11, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Actually I haven't made any changes lol I'm really glad you like it. Thanks for your comment And thank you for taking the time to look at my poem! Most appreciated!
      xx


  • IrishGypsyRose silver member
    July 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Been there honey...Sorry you are going through this...however your drama has created a wonderful piece of poetry. Great write. Nice rythme and flow. ~mandie~

    • Second.Choice
      July 11, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks alot Glad you like it .. Such a crappy state Im in, but hoping to get through all this, and soon I hope.. Thanks for the lovely comment xx


  • Lord Bob
    July 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. I totally feel this. I've been in a couple relationships where you're like, "what the f*ck happened?" great write. Thanks for entering.

    • Second.Choice
      July 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks Its horrible isnt it? In such a weird place right now .. Thanks though, im really glad you like it xx


  • peregrin
    July 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Is how my heart breaks so easily
    Incomplete, unfulfilled
    Broken and shattered
    Fragile and still. "

    Wow, not much to say.

    I really like the piece.

    Good job!

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