My longing is silenced,
it can have no voice.
It must live on the inside of things
so its face will peer out
as though behind a mask.
It must close its fingers
into the shape of a fist,
so those trembling hands
no longer betray their need.
It must bury hope
lay to rest the seed,
so it may never blossom,
never wound.
It must do this
until empty, breathless and still,
only then,
can you look at me
and never know.
A contest entry
- you put the poet in poetry. by apples fell.
875 points, ended October 5, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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When I first read this, even without seeing who wrote it, I knew it was you. Sometimes a poems language and direction have a way of reminding you of someone even without a direct name. This was one of those times for me. I only have two critical observations, as I found this pretty solid with a very good use of imagery compared with delicate movement. The “from” before behind in the first stanza I think can go. It’s not needed to complete that image. Your last stanza, starting with “it must do this” reminds me of sylvia plath. You don’t make yourself overly clear in this poem and I like that mysterious quality. I understand that it is about silence, that is apparent from the beginning, but I really fell in love with the piece as a metaphor in its entirety. This speaks directly to the conscious aspects of my soul and I find that the most powerful type of writing. Sadly my critique only involves one word that I felt was off, I guess that’s a good thing though, especially in a contest.
Thanks so much for entering and kenny will be around soon to leave his thoughts on your piece as well.
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Hello James, thank you for such a great and insightful comment. Yes, I see your point about the word "from" - without it the poem is sharper - so thank you!
I've heard of Sylvia Plath but don't think I've read any of her work - so I will take a look too.
A great idea for a competition - glad I'm not judging it though lol! -
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You're welcome. It does read much sharper now. Glad I could help. You should certainly look her up...Her writing is one of the most imitated, but also some of the best poetry you can read. Very personal and very insightful stuff she wrote before her untimely suicide.
It will be hard to judge...LOL. Thank goodness kenny/loschung is helping me.
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Wow...this was amazing. You had great imagery and diction, I think this is easily one of my favorite poems ever.
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Blimey Angelina! You've certainly made me laugh there! Don't know what to say actually... thx but I'm sure you'll read a lot more that is a lot better!
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Ahh to hide the heart so someone doesn't know is such a hard thing to do! Takes a lot of energy indeed!
I found myself holding my breath throughout this piece.. it definitely is something that I can relate to!
Stunning write!
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Haha! Thanks for the compliment and lovely comment!
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wow, Heath...this is excellent. I love your voice in this..very soft, although powerful, the last stanza is a choker. The whole poem is ... sigh..
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Tara! Thank yoooouuuu! (imagine an icon sending you kisses haha).
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Powerful.
This poem shapes itself into a fetal position; hides your heart from us, but at the same time leaves it pulsing in our vision.
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Suzanne - I've already responded to your message privately - you should make a poem out of it - your comment is far better than what I will ever write.
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It was born from your words, if I write it, I will IM and let you put it away for your own purposes
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I don't know what IM is but hey, I'm just happy you wrote it!
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