Release me from this prison.
Release me from this hell.
Make me feel like my soul has risen
And open the door to this prison cell.
I feel so broken and alone.
Please help me fnd my home.
Just help release me
And find where I belong.
Release me from this prison.
Release me from this hell.
Help me to find my haven,
And show me the way to find myself.
Release me from this prison.
Because I feel like it's been too long.
Release me from myself
So I can at last feel at home.
A contest entry
- PIcture Prompt (whatever you take the pic as) by xXDarkChildXx.
1200 points, ended July 8, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - CONTEST: Looking for poems, That will make me say: OMG! This is awesome! 810 points by echo-ink.
600 points, ended July 15, 2008, 58 entries
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950 points, ended July 14, 2008, 65 entries
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395 points, ended July 16, 2008, 12 entries
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475 points, ended August 9, 2008, 12 entries
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400 points, ended August 1, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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This was a little bit lyrical, the way certain lines repeated, but all in all a good piece. I do have to agree though, this piece didn't really seem to go below the surface. Then again, that's just my opinion, keep up the good work.
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Powerful emotional writing. I can tell you put your heart into this. Your rhyming went astray unfortunately. I think with a bit more work this could be an excellent write.
Very well done
Raker
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In my opinion, this was but a surface-penning. You need to delve deeper, not just into loneliness itself, but into the emotions involved in being lonely. I agree with Sailor Ptolema, in that the repetition weakens the poem, even more so than it already is.
Thanks for entering. -
This write is highly though provoking and I liked the repetition of "release" but I didn't catch must rhythm or rhyme...
-Good Luck -
This could be much improved if you get rid of the repetition of "release me"...it sort of loses its luster after the first stanza
-sailor ptolema -
stanza 2 line two there is a typo. It should read find and not fnd. I'm sorry that someone found the need to make unkind remarks and hope it doesn't deter you from writing. People can be beastly sometimes and I have no idea why ... in any case, please keep writing.
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Typical teenage angst. Sure, most of us have felt this way sometime before, but there's nothing at all about this that's original or stated in a way that leaves me screaming for more. I'm just bored.
-hiraeth -
I can see this perfectly as a song, the singer singing every emotion anguishedly (that's not a word, but for now pretend it is) and really hitting home with the words. Your words are easy to relate to. Thanks for entering!
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I sure do hope you find yourself and release. good luck in the contest.
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This was very well written. The third stanza was my favorite. Keep on writing, and good luck in the contest!
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Very good write here
I so feel the pain written within this piece and know the key to the world you so search for is within your ownself . Leave the sorrows behind think not on them ever again and make each day just as lovely and fun as you so wish it to be . You are the leader of your soul so lead it and find in doing so we are the ones choosing our days so make them the best you can and know true happiness
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This poem was excellent. My favorite stanza "Release me from this prison. Release me from this hell. Help me to find my haven, And show me the way to find myself." I really enjoyed this. Thanks for entering! Keep on writing, until you can't no more!
xXDCXx
~Make Peace, Not War~
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