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I Feel Like a King

On our wedding day
when you wore that gorgeous
red wedding sari and jewelry
and sat beside me,
You looked like a beautiful Queen
and I felt like a King.

When you kiss me while I sleep
and I wake to your soft kiss,
I am a fortunate King
and you are my sweet Queen.

When we are out walking together
You in a colourful sari of any shade,
look like an oriental queen
and I feel like a King.

Even when you wear a simple long skirt
or jeans and exotic boots,
you are a very elegant Queen
and you make me feel like a King.




Author notes

My Marriage date is 27 February 2008.
I am dedicating this poem to my sweet Wife Hafsa Bintay Faruq.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 66 of 66

  • RatherImaginative silver member
    November 9
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    Congratulations on approaching the fulfillment of your first year of marriage! She is a blessed woman to have someone who can so beautifully express to her poetically how she makes you feel. Best wishes for your life together, and thank you for entering my contest!

  • reveller silver member
    November 4

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    Love...

    Love should always make kings and queens of us all. Lovely words and a beautiful dedication to your wife.


  • princessleejwctlvr2
    September 10
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    this is truly beautiful i am sure she loves it your words so loving and sincere


  • Sentimentalpoet
    August 27

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    swee....t

    well this is the cutest poem i have ever read. so sweet. keep up the good job.


  • nobodys-girl
    June 8

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    oh this is so so sweet! oh wow...i wish i could find a guy who felt like this towards me! great job. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!


  • ChunkyC
    June 2

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    Ha this is cute. Good job. It's nice to see you've conveyed the love for your wife well. :]

    Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest :]


  • Fire-Fly
    May 17

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    A very nice write which is full of the love you have for your wife.

    Thanks for entering and good luck in my contest.


  • forever ever young
    May 8

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    this is so pretty

    How absolutely heartening and adorable it is to read this poem.
    I especially loved this part
    "When we are out walking together
    You in a colourful sari of any shade,
    look like an oriental queen
    and I feel like a King.
    Even when you wear a simple long skirt
    or jeans and exotic boots,
    you are a very elegant Queen
    and you make me feel like a King."'
    How you find her beautiful all the time is great
    thats gorgeous, I'm sure your wife is so proud of this
    love, love, love it an dit ahs really nice structure aswell
    I hope one day some writes this kind of stuff about me, what you have is cute )
    xx


  • Kendal Palmer gold member
    May 6

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    beautiful

    very nice. I can only imagine what your wife must think of your beautiful words of love...good job! thank you for sharing...good luck with your contest entry. peace and light, kp


  • Denerica
    May 5

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful, my husband doesn't write, expresses himself through cards, so your wife is blessed by a husband that treats her to a write like this. Blessings.


  • bonjourbunnie
    May 3
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    Very pretty, and I love the devotion it holds.

    Thank you for entering


  • TwiztidMaggot
    May 1

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    congrats on the marriage! I'm actually engaged, so I can't wai tfo rthat day! You did an amazing job writing this! I absolutely loved it! Keep up your amazing work! Best of luck to you!

    CrimsonViper


  • Captain Amber SL
    April 19

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    First of all, before my criticism... my congratulations! Love and marriage are two beautiful things that, when combined, is enough to make even the hardest heart soften and feel emotion. So my congratulations to yourself and your wife. ^__^

    This is a beautiful dedication to a person you loved, and I loved the repeating references to royalty to show how beautiful your wife is and how much she makes you feel like you're a king.

    Even though this poem was focused more on feelings, and not so much on the description of material things, I could vividly see the colorful sari and the red wedding sari in my mind, even without a lot of description. That shows pure writing talent.

    I wish you the best of luck, and keep writing and improving your poetry. ^__^

    Aeris Silverlight


  • Kristine86
    April 3
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    Lucky lady! Very sweet dedication! Thank you for entering my contest, good luck!


  • Paloszoo gold member
    March 28

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    She's a lucky woman. Nice devotion! Thanks for entering my contest. Good luck. I'm honored to have you show your work here.


  • Samplette gold member
    March 15
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    A nice write that shows the love and devotion you feel for your wife. Best to you in the contest.
    Sam


  • Emmyb gold member
    February 28

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    wonderful

    a wonderful and beautiful write. thank you very much for entering it into my contest. sweet and simple - just how i like it!!!


    Emma


  • Blue30
    February 20

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    You have a lot of love in your heart. I think perhaps if you tried more metaphors maybe it would sizzle.


  • smonte19124 gold member
    February 19

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    I never understood structure and form and all that stuff. I simply write what I feel and hope you like it, if not thats okay because I write for me as I see you do. For the love of your new bride comes shinning through every single word and you keep writing from your heart and you can't go wrong. I loved everything about this write and I'm sure you wife did too. God Bless my friend, Jo-Ann


  • Filia-Dei
    January 28
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    Well I'm not that crazy about this piece, it is missing something to do with rhythm and structure, not sure what it is.

    But honestly besides that this is a beautiful piece, and your love came through this piece quite clearly. very few people find this sort of love, but its awesome to know it still exists! Keep improving and loving your beautiful wife.

    Good luck in my contest. God bless.


  • Luciferschild
    January 27

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    i have felt this way before and hopefully i will again, The feeling is described very well. one question if i may, what is a sari? great poem

    • Sabir Abdus Samee
      January 27
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      Thank you for your comment. Sari is a South Asian dress for women. It is used in Bangladesh, India, Pakistan and Nepal.

  • Nicole Hanna
    January 11

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    Kiss is a no-no word (in the obvious context of kissing someone- "kiss of death" would have been more acceptable- though not a perfect example). Thanks for entering, but not what I'm looking for at this time


  • penman gold member
    October 28, 2008

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    Excellent

    What a sweet and loving poem. Such a terrific expression of love for you wife. Thank you for sharing.


  • fake-or-real-smile
    October 19, 2008
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    Aww I like this it's got a touch of simpleness but it's really sweet.

    Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest.

    Rebecca

    x

  • fake-or-real-smile
    October 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Please put the option you have chosen in your N/A section, it states this in the rules

    Will come back and comment your poem when I get a little longer to write a decent comment

    Thank you

    Rebecca

    x


  • Bunny luv26
    October 16, 2008
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    It is nice to see a love like that exists. Beautifully written. Best of luck to you in all things!

  • carole21
    October 15, 2008

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    nicely written . . liked "I wake to your soft kiss" and "you are a very elegant Queen" . . good luck in the contest


  • JaycobKay
    October 15, 2008
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    That was wonderfully cute, though I didn't like the last stanza as much.
    Beautiful write.


  • silverscent gold member
    October 3, 2008

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    This is absolutely fantastic. I loved the simplicity and the sincerity you put into this. It gave me a fuzzy feeling inside, not many poems do that.
    Well done.

  • mcheadle
    September 30, 2008
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    A proud man you must be

    May you always keep this pride many years down the line...mac

  • Judith Chandler
    September 18, 2008

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    You are indeed a fortunate man to have found happiness in love. I like the way you express it here and your is a lucky lady.

    Thank you for entering my contest.


  • LadyDementia gold member
    August 29, 2008

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    Such a wonderful display of love and devotion. A very touching piece. Thanks for entering and good luck


  • lostangel07
    August 8, 2008

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    This is a lovely piece, I can just see your beautiful wife on her happy day. It is lovely to see one so devoted to their spouse. Your writing is smooth and full of emotion. Thankyou for your write.

  • mina nagi gold member
    August 2, 2008
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    I liked the way you’ve emphasised the splendour beauty of your queen in each stanza that has made you feel as a proud King… inner feelings are hard to express but you’ve done very well doing so… though you might be feeling like a king, but she is the one who will be ruling your heart… one can tell this is written straight form heart…
    Good luck

    mina


  • SingPraiz4Hym
    July 27, 2008

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    A wonderful love poem for your wife. Not sure how it fits into 'firsts' but I did enjoy it. Thanks for entering. Good luck.


  • lindaburns gold member
    July 27, 2008

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    Judge:
    It may just be me, but I get the idea she makes you feel like a King. It’s a nice poem. Thanks for entering it in my contest.


  • crimsondew
    July 26, 2008

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    I am sure Hafsa will feel on the top of the world after reading this...All the best in the contest!

    There should be a comma, after line 4.Similar comas can be placed after lines 8, 12 and 16

    May Allah grant you both a happy married life.


  • layla.
    July 9, 2008
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    awww how sweet.


  • rhondasail
    July 9, 2008

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    I would only suggest that instead of saying 'you look like a queen, or I felt like a king', express in the past present...'you were my Queen, I was your King'...it would make this a tad stronger, and there is a typo in the word 'jewelry'..otherwise it is a lovely, enthused loving write for your Queen and I am sure she will appreciate your words so tenderly laid down here. Peace and best of luck in the contest, Rhonda


  • Griswold gold member
    July 8, 2008

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    Beautifully written dedication to your wife, very well done. I am sure she will appreciate the sentiments expressed. Thank you for entering...Scott

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