You bit
my lip
as tongues washed away
the salt that fell
on newly opened wounds
Crushed
by footsteps
fading in the distance
the taste of copper
bleeds anew
Author notes
Prompt: Blood Soaked Farewells, 10 lines
A contest entry
- ++PIF Prompt Contest++ by PerfectImperfection.
700 points, ended July 9, 2008, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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this is quite sensual, as well as dark, and I always love that mix...as well as a little lip biting, very nice here..lol
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Oh this is just beautiful!!! Pained, angsty - and so very well spoken to go along with the line prompt. Amazing write!!! Thanks so much for your entry!
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MARTY!
you're awesome.
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I know. I mean, er...thank you.
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modest, aren't we?
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You betcha! And cute too. *Grins*
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oh, most definitely!
and smart, and funny, and a good dancer... xD -
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Gosh, you're going to make me blush. I would respond in kind, but you have a way of denying that these qualities exist in you.
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Can't claim a quality is there if it's not.
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*Glares* Ima betch slap you!!! You know better than THAT!!!
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._. waaat? I'm stupid and uuugly.
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I've caught you saying it publicly, now I shall call the hounds!!!
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O.O
Luckily, I have to log off now. xD
'night.
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Ooouuuu, lovely!
The image of salting the wound is so disturbing, and beautiful. I can feel the pain the image that brings about.
This has a...bdsm...feel to it. Then again, knowing you, I can understand why.
My problem is, tongues.
I'm seeing multiple tongues being involved here, kind of like a tongue orgy
I don't see how tongue orgies are possible...
This is very nice. I love it!
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OUCH! This is so painful
I can just feel itl.
But this is written well..
"as tongues washed away
the salt that fell
on newly opened wounds">>>>>I enjoyed this stanza a lot!!
and the ending was great, I like how you incorporated "copper bleed" without out being cliche or specifically mentioning 'bleeding' in the normal sense
~I wish you ALL my best in the contest
S. P. ~
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"as tongues washed away
the salt"
Really good - not your best though, as I've seen you do some freakin amaing ones. ut good.
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Thankies
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