Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Gritty sixties

Jackson Street got hotter at night
shoo wop corner, young boys got it right
but even red bricks get the blues.

Small flat stone buildings rent a place to stay
more folks comin' north every day, good pay
Poppa got his navy suede shoes.

Give the kids a key, when they shut the latch
gotta sign up, pay to work; that's the catch
Momma groaned and paid union dues.

VietNam left corners, quiet and still
old boys nodding off needles and pills
somebody's child, got nothing to lose.



In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Little Eagle Greeters member
    July 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Thank you for your entry

    This one also just screams the blues for me. I can see it as if I was there. Got the rhythm and the flow and definitely speaks to the frame of mind at that time. This is definitely the blues.

    Well stated, good job on the form. The rhythm and flow was definitely the blues.

    I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.

    God bless
    Tammy


  • ennovy silver member
    July 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome words giving a vivid pic of the sixties. The rhyme was perfection...well balanced with aab pattern, I think this is the first rhymimg poem I have read of yours...here...excellent job.....and its sho nuf the blues....novy


  • ten thousand cicadas gold member
    July 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, Gosh this was excellent. I started to write for this and wasn't sure if I could get that "groove" the poem needed. You've got the groove, my friend. The way the phrases fall are perfect for blues, as is the tone and subject matter. I just love this.

    Struggle comes through on many fronts here. There's heart and guts, and gritty beauty. Just needs some strings squealing behind it, and you're done.


  • secberm
    July 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    LOVED IT! Jeez... Well done, brother. For someone who doesn't write rhyme much, this flowed flawlessly. Rather smooth. Unfelt. No hiccups. Content... Excellent. Write on. One.

    Dez


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    July 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Unfortunate but unfortunately true. Again, you set the scene to pull at the emotions that make us fight for change. Excellent. ~Pamela

1 - 5 of 5