Sorrow permeates
All throughout my being
My face stays passive
A contest entry
- Haiku Workshop by azure85.
600 points, ended July 24, 2008, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Idea is good , but doesn't work for me.
The word choices, so limited in a haiku are wasted. All: first word L2, is totally unnecessary. How does sorrow permeate.
Show us, does it warp the mask ect. needs work.
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Masks:ancient and primative. Even in our very refined culture masks still have a conotation of night and the elementry forces of nature. Haiku places man in the context of a grand universal landscape where we are but one element...perhaps the only element doubting or questioning its place...you have chosen an interesting subject; take it and run for the wilderness!
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Sorrow permeates
All throughout my being
My face stays passive
Intriquing title-haiku usually describe the images for a specific moment in time. Can you use the concept of the mask, and show us the feelings you have described? I think it would make a very good haiku. You can revise as often as you want until the end of the contest.
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