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Looking Glass Ripples


I am not the Alice looking in, I am the Alice looking out
Rippling deep and daring the depths
looking, peering into myself at the rippled reflection
Reminders of you ripple through me
Cruelties of your memories, a ghost only I starve to hold
In your scent submerse me ... hold me ... keep me safe
Passions of you love me gently, our beautiful erosion
Careful, we're wilting, seclusion weighting the lonely

I am not the Alice looking in, I am the Alice looking out
in my overbloom you have forgotten to hold me
looking, peering into myself at the rippled reflection
Reminders of you ripple through me
Left with only memories, everything turns to colorless shades
As your scent slowly cascades,
The hues you loved me with achingly cease to be

I am not the Alice looking in, I am the Alice looking out
looking, peering into myself at the rippled reflection
Paler and paler I become, but still flustered by the desire of you
My fragrance calls to you ... please ... please ... don't forget about me
Come back crying the morning dew
I refuse to consume anything but you
I dared to taste but not to swallow
I dared to touch but never to feel
Held not the strength to plunge into the depths of my sea
But to tip my toes for a dip
Consuming myself, toe first, I am enveloped
Intensities of myself descending into madness
Of facting fiction, I see the lies of fiction,
I see them to be factual insanity
A metaphorical maze
Dear, dear Rabbit, Oh Cheshire Cat
When is Mad Hatter's tea party?
Where is my happy unbirthday kiss?

I am not the Alice looking in, I am the Alice looking out
Rippling deep and daring the depths
looking, peering into myself at the rippled reflection
In my overbloom you've forgotten to hold me
Reminders of you ripple through me
In your scent, keep me safe
The last I have of you
Ripples through me

Author notes

In thanks to my omanu who knows me best




- SoulfulBubbles


"Canker Sores And Other Distractions"
hopefully this one makes it.. either way i appreciate the criticism

A contest entry

please? and thank you...

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13
  • AliceInTheRealWorld
    August 1, 2008

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    I love the first line of each stanza, and the detail is also very wonderful, Alice looking out, that's a very interesting play on words and very suiting to the piece. I of course love it


  • wonderbandalice
    July 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I liked the repition of the first line in every stanza. Although not a very original subject, this was well written.

    -flow ( 9/10 )
    -subject ( 8/10 )
    -fitting title ( 4.5/5 )
    -word choice ( 4.5/5 )
    -originality ( 7/10 )
    -spelling and grammar ( 5/5 )
    -how much I like it, basically. ( 4/5 )

    Total - 42/50 OU 84%


  • HereComesTheSun
    July 30, 2008
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    great poem so fantastic and i love the alice and the looking glass intertwined with it great jobb


  • FakingItForReal
    July 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    As I did it previously, I'm going to critique this as I read.
    Nice first line and nice repetition of first line

    "I dared to taste but not to swallow
    I dared to touch but never to feel"
    That's my favorite part so far!!!

    "Of facting fiction, I see the lies of fiction"
    It's obvious what you mean here, but 'facting' isn't a word. I do love the way you used the redundancy here though; I am slightly annoyed that I can't remember what the name was for this type of poetic device. It's going to eat away at me all night. Oh, never mind; it's an oxymoron! Thank God I found that out, I'll be able to sleep peacefully. Anyways, I wouldn't change it unless you can find an actual word that means turning fiction into fact.

    Ah, also don't use the word fiction twice in the same line. Perhaps using the word 'fabrication' would work better instead of the 2nd fiction.

    That's pretty much all I can think of to say.
    This poem is exponentially better than the last one!
    That's 2 for 2!

    Welcome to the finalist list


  • The.Tango.Emily
    July 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I liked it!
    Good luck!


  • Dark Otter
    July 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I love!

    mirror poems and Alic in Wonderland. Guess What! That means I'm just gonna have to like this piece. It startled me. It has some of my style in it. Some day I'll link you to my favorite mirror poems. This is one of my favorites of yours. It is very creative!

  • celadia
    July 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A wonderful take on Alice.


  • Weetzie bat
    July 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Careful, we're wilting, seclusion weighting the lonely

    Dear, dear Rabbit, Oh Cheshire Cat
    When is Mad Hatter's tea party?
    Where is my happy unbirthday kiss?

    this is fantastic. I love the repitition....the emotion...the passion and the fact that it deals with alice. thank you so much for entering my contest. great imagery...I wanted to write a great review but you left me practically without words


  • Missing.His.Kisses
    July 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful. I can feel emotion behind the words, but I'm having trouble seeing why there is sadness/unhappiness or rather where its coming from. I'll come back & read it again but right now I'm having trouble seeing why those emotions are there. Good lucky


  • Enkeli
    July 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is amazing.

    I adore all your references to dear Alice's adventures.

    Well done, and keep writing poet.


  • omanixax
    July 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Soorne Omani .... your words, and your heart are always in inspiration to me. I think you are one of the most gifted poets to come along in a century, and I'm honored to be a part of that magic in your life, as you are a part of mine.

1 - 13 of 13