When the lone bird had circled
the white sand at dawn.
A body washed up in the surf
she was sawed
into many pieces
and part of her jaw
was torn from her face;
her mouth gaped and yawned
into one horrid leer
and we wondered who did it
and old Mr. Green said
he saw from his window
the boat that did drop her
into the water
and on it was Mr. and Mrs. Highwater.
"It's such a sad thing to do to your daughter,"
said old Mr. Green
about Mr. Highwater.
We thought for a minute
then wondered out loud,
'how did he know who she was in that shroud?'
We called the detective
he ran from his office
and put old Mr. Green into cuffs.
How did you manage to
ident the body?
We needed some proof and that is enough.
So Mr. Green sits in a jail cell
and ponders
how in trying to blame Mr. and Mrs. Highwater
he sunk his own goose
into deep water
when he went and murdered
the Highwater's daughter.
A contest entry
- The Best of You... by makenzie.
375 points, ended July 21, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - AP's Best Prewrites by Lowercase Prelude.
800 points, ended July 22, 90 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Blood And Murder by papercutangel86.
300 points, ended August 3, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Writes That Deserve A trophy by Piccola.
600 points, ended August 9, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poetry, Poetry and PreWrites! by Lost Vampyre Angel.
1200 points, ended September 13, 461 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bronze to Gold by GreenHrtPaleMoon.
360 points, ended September 27, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - pif by Rakerman1.
600 points, ended October 3, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Great writing!
Very well done and thanks for entering
Raker
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nice job telling such a good story in rhyme. Now I want to more...why did he do it? what's the motive as they say. Anyway, write a sequel. Good job and thank you for entering
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very cool very seldom do you hear this part of the story in a poem I loved it thanks for the entr
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HeHeHe!
A great write! Really funny for a gruesome subject!
Congrats on your trophy, good luck in the contest!
Regards,
DeGraw
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The rules say 30 lines or less ...
sorry.
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Gave me the shivers. What a great twist! Good luck with it in the contest. It's very well done.
jjj
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sweet!
cool! it's good and so unique! i haven't seen anything like it!
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oh wow YOU did a scary who done it! amazing
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Very gifted writing! It plays like a children's poem with the flow, and seemed oddly fun, although the poem itself was dark! The imagery puts you at the scene of the crime! ironic and twisted,
I enjoyed this!
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A tragic and gruesome poem. Well constructed with good flow and rhythm. The subject matter is not really my cup of tea. It was a good read just the same.Cheers and best wishes.
Bob
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Wow, this poem is fascinating! I love it. It's... wow! Kinda tragic... but I'm - I'm so showing this to my roomates... This is my new favorite poem!
**Thanks for commenting 'Jeremy'. I'm glad it held your attention. Thanks so much.
...and wow, again, just for affect. I love this!
JADE RAYNE*
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Wow...this was gory to me. I liked the mysterious feel it had. This is a wonderful story-telling piece. Lots of imagery (more like you were re-telling a scene from a movie). Well done...
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oh wow, your description in this poem reminded me partly of Alfred Hitchcock and partly M Night Shyamalan. hope that didnt offend you but i'm just trying to compliment as i love both their work.
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Nice ironic twist at the end. You have very good imagery here. I've never been very good at mysteries so I don't know how the police knew "Mr. Green" did it but still love the poem.
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wonderful tale. treachery put to verse , i enjoyed this xx peter
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