Exit ApoE4

From birth to 23 was no straight road
It was crooked and full of detours
That's why I'm taking the time
to map out time on the inside of my skull
so even when I'm old
I won't forget how to get back home

April 18, 1985
      Amniotic oceans lead to labored shores
and the son feels warm in Staten Island

May 18, 2011
Kalachuchi grows from unexpected waters
The sun shines on your face

September 7, 1988
A blistered throat and unpredictable fever
Yield to a family's nursing and love
When your parents ask you what you'd like to eat
Now that you can finally swallow again
Undoubtedly your response was immediately
Artificial crab meat

February 14, 2007
You surprise your girlfriend with dinner
Too American to be called Filipino
Too Filipino to be called American

August 22, 1996
You pick up the clarinet

August 20, 1997
You put back down the clarinet
For a bass guitar

June 13, 2000
You cram notes into a song
Like clowns in a car
You vow to show the world that bassists
Are not guitarists who couldn't cut it
Despite Flea, Victor Wooten and Les Claypool
You are going to teach the world

December 26, 2002
The day after Christmas
You kick your drummer out of your band
Because you couldn't bare doing it on Christmas Eve
He couldn't keep time and would play more rim than drum
But you tell him you still want to play gigs together
Your band and his
He tells you to burn in Hell

April 20, 1996
You stare Death in the face
As he shows you the future
By taking away your grandmother
She had Alzheimer's Disease
She didn't lose her mind
So much as she forgot how to interpret it
She forgot your face
But you always knew how to talk to her
And she would listen, even if she couldn't understand

July 17, 1989
Learn from the birds
On the wings of the east coast
Florida will help you forget the robbery
How they took without your permission
The Atari
Which was already broken

December 10, 1993
You are chosen to play the Mexican boy
In your third grade Christmas Play
Because you are the only brown-skinned child in the class
You neglect to teach them of Simbang Gabi or Hanukah
You are told to dress Mexican
So you wear a San Diego t-shirt
It was bright yellow and the closest thing you owned
They hand you a pair of maracas and tell you that you look great

May 6, 2003
You finally graduate high school
But question if you should've dropped out
And gotten your GED four years ago

May 9, 2009
You are a pharmacist
But can't remember how you got here

February 25, 2006 
You meet your wife, but that's not yet her name
She teaches you the world is bigger than your college education
And so much smaller for those in worse situations

August 18, 2010
You get married
Paid by left over student loans

February 7, 2012
Your child's first word is poetry
POETRY
Before he could say Nanay or Tatay
His first word was poetry
You are a loser

As I begin to lose space
I begin folding the map
Into smaller and smaller bits
Searching for empty crevices left for the future
But with each fold
New streets overlay the old
And in a split second I've jumped from
2012 to 2050
And I lose grip of why I started in the first place

January 3
What year is it?

July 22, 2042
You put the cereal away in the linen closet again

November 4, 2053
The front door is locked
How the fuck do you get out of here?

October 12, 2050
This old woman is hiding your wife

March 2, 2045
You are late for dinner
Where the hell is the house?

December 4, 2043
It's your wife's birthday
You swear you got her something
But what is it?
And where did it go?
I'm sorry
I'm sorry

November 18, 2050
You miss your children
You miss your grandchildren
Who are you?

January 1, 2051
Happy new year
How old are you, motherfucker?

August 19, 2046
You are diagnosted with prostatic cancer
How could this happen?

February 16, 2049
I thought it went into remission

July 12, 2049
Why won't it stop growing?

August 2, 2049
Where is the pain?

November 12, 2049
You don't want to eat

April 18, 2050
You turn 26
Where did your children go?

April 18, 2055
Return to the womb
Your grandmother ushers you home

Home
I'm going home
and I know that home
Exists at the intersection between
Anticipation
and
Where the hell did it go?
But I can't seem to find my way back
Because the latter drives me in circles
While the former just drives me crazy

And that's why I legibly draw it all out on my map
So even if you don't understand me now
You will still be able to read my mind when I'm dead