Swollen burdens
Still to me relieve
Distraction's godsend
From contemplation
But time runs
Swifter still
And if the burdens are mountains
Why then the time be wind
Eroding my protection
Encroaching in the valley
Of delusions and illusions
And revealing to me a truth
I don't want to hear
That I live in a vacuum
Suffocating on emptiness
And choking on nothing
A contest entry
- Calling All Abstract Poets!!!! by PerfectImperfection.
600 points, ended August 3, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I feel it may be too oblique or something..
Comments
-
An intriguing piece of sullen embrace. Thought provoking and filled with a certain depth; revelation to understanding... I especially enjoyed:
"Swollen burdens
Still to me relieve
Distraction's godsend"
.. great opening here ..
"And revealing to me a truth
I don't want to hear
That I live in a vacuum
Suffocating on emptiness
And choking on nothing"
.. this is something to make your readers stop and ponder their own thoughts as well ..
Nicely done! Thank you for your entry!
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"That I live in a vacuum
Suffocating on emptiness
And choking on nothing"
this is classic. I love the irony of these lines. Great write.
-
Wow
I READ THIS AND DIDN'T COMMENT ON IT?
It's soo good. Like...unbelievably. Up there with that nickel drops poem.
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Good take on the prompt. I still like it more with the wal mart enidng though. But this is well done. I'm not sure if I udnerstand every ling and what you exactly meant, but thats the great thing about poetry. You dont need to understand.
Love
MYlee
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