The pain took residence;
first ticking of clock after her death
rage festered deep within,
cursing our creator.
He stole ‘the one‘,
pulled the carpet beneath my feet
Even worse… ripped apart my other half,
keeping me whole.
I was given so little time
realized late, she was my lighthouse
guiding the way,
the umbrella
shielding from thundering rains.
Stumbled upon so much knowledge
in her passing
Still,
I had not one key to a single door,
no freedom from this anguish
Clouds continue to collect and storm above me
I sink; ponder the chance they may part.
Give me
one small moment in time
A glimpse of hope, I swear
I will seek out the power within me,
…to let her go
Author notes
This is written about Mum...in real life, now, yes I have let go of the pain of her death...but trust me when I say it definitely took years....these words do express a lot of truth
R.I.P. Renelle~Mum 26/09/1961-19/07/2000
Contest requirement - I want emotion, imagery, depth, metaphor...
I dare to say I have given you what you asked for...hard to write this..but glad I did.
In a list
A contest entry
- Calling All Abstract Poets!!!! by PerfectImperfection.
600 points, ended August 3, 15 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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This is such a very touching piece of emotion, and depth. The pain is evident - and so very intense in its expression. A beautifully sad piece indeed...
"Give me
one small moment in time
A glimpse of hope, I swear
I will seek out the power within me,
…to let her go"
This brought tears... Excellent piece!! Thank you so much for your entry!
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So a wonderful and touching heart's labour sis!! I know how much this effected you and the loss after a short reaquainting...
This is so beautifully written and tugged very hard at my heart! Your mum would be very proud of you darl!!
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*tears* I too lost my mother years ago, and I so wish she was alive today to see how her 10 children have grown up and blossomed, and, she would have more the 22 grandchildren. Lovely and heartfelt write dear, all the best in the contest as well.
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"The pain took residence"
Well...if pain were a guest, I'd try to kick its ass and slam the door...wonderful opening line...speaks to you.
"cursing our creator."
I wonder who that might be...
"the umbrella shielding from thundering rains."
Ooh...imagery-infused, and love the umbrella thing as well. Great metaphors expressed, CinCin. =D (You needed a nickname..)
"Still,
I had not one key to a single door,
no freedom from this anguish"
Oh wow...this is expressed wonderfully and it works with the context SO WELL...
Your mom would definitely appreciate this...it's a wonderful write and so powerfully wrought!!
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sissy...
wow
i love you huggles -
Cuz I knew this was for your Mum as soon as I saw the title. Sometimes to write this out eases the terrible pain we feel when we lose someone. I lost mine at 16 and my father at 10, so I had double the pain through my teenage years. I have only now started to deal with what as a young girl I could not and would not say. Love, C
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coincidence..lost my at 17...even though your not young young..it makes no diff, to as my poem says have the carpet pulled form under your feet etc
Im glad your dealing with it Cuz..it is the hardest part..I don't think I ever will completely...but I have for the most part grieved her..let go of the pain...even still her anniversary lingers...and she is all thats on my mind
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I found that I could do so much with writing to her like letters of what I did with my day, year, life etc. Made it feel like she was listening to me, I can smile often now when I think of her although I know in some instances I can hear her say Oh! Not again Chez! lol sigh...I was always in trouble lol
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I write letters to her..not often enough..then i burn it and let the ashes, the words go up to her in heaven..i totally agree with you...
heh i iwhs i had something like that my mum never once yelled at me in the 6 years i knew her..im blessed for that i suppose lol -
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lol Yes you are but then my mum thought she had a daughter and what she got was a tomboy with a big mouth and an opinion lol but I knew she was proud i stood for things I believed in.
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aww
I lost my mom as well.
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aww im sorry for your loss too drl...sucks, but what can we do
..write and share, thats what
lol
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I was 20.
I really haven't been able to bring myself to write much about that.
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20 gosh young..i know losing them young i was only 17..and had only known her for 6 years..long story..you'll hear at some point im sure lol
writing is my only release for the pain..but YES it was so so hard at first, that I just gave up for a while...time was the only thing tht enabled me to feel like I could..then i did
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I havn't lost my mum but the emotion and depth you put into this is great ... i really like this poem and your mum would be very proud of you for been a great writer x
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I haven't yet lost my mother...but I was especially touched by this: "realized late, she was my lighthouse
guiding the way"
Isn't it too often that people discover this late? Nice work...
. Rewarded 4
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Very emotional write Cin. Just by reading your AN I can tell this is a really personal piece for you. You captured the emotion of it so so well.
It's the sad truth of life that sometimes the storms of this life take casualties.
. Rewarded 4
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Thanks Chris...yes it is the sad truth
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I don't cry... but if I did Wonderfully emotional... you've done a superb job of sharing the heartbreak and pain of loss...
Ken
. Rewarded 4
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Thanks Ken..and a nice touching hug*
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The depth and emotion in this piece is stunningly good. Hit harder than I anticipated upon my click...Usually I have so much to say, but this just has me needing to move along before I cry.
Absolutely beautiful.
. Rewarded 4
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Thank you so much..as much as I hate making other feel like crying..I can't help but express my love and loss over my mum...
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touching
I, too, have lost my Mother and know the anguish it brings. You paid a beautiful tribute to your's. Good luck in the contest. I think you have winning material here.
. Rewarded 4
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Yes, writing itself can be so healing, and you have done an amazing job putting some really painful feelings down on paper here. There is no pain like this, and I am glad you are moving forward through your grief. Thanks for sharing this touching poem, and I wish you the best in the contest. Blessings, Patty
. Rewarded 6
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So very true...they are hard to write but at the same time..I heal some more each time I open those gates
Thank you for all your thoughts, I appreciate them so very much
Cindy
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Damn! This made me want to cry. I can't imagine how hard it is to lose your mom. This poem comes as close as the real feeling as you can get. I admire your strength. I love you!
Amera♥
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it makes me cry just coming back to it to reply to comments
lol
I agree my words definitely come as close as the real thing...I hate writing these ones...I get very emotional...but at the same time..they are such a healing thing to do
Thank you for such honest heartfelt thoughts Amera...I try my best to stay strong in her absence..occasionally..being human and all that
..I fall...who wouldn't
I love you for caring and admiring...you know your encouragement means a lot to me
Cind
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I so know the feelings you have penned here
Yes I was crushed and unable to release the pain of the loss of my mother and I found over time I wasnt ever getting my feelings of love back just the pain blocked my way .That is until she knowing of my love of rainbows sent me the smallest rainbow on a cloudless sky I was drawn to look upward that day and in the vision I whispered thankyou mama and all the tears hed within flowed . If you are aware you will seee their love so shared
. Rewarded 8
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bravo
Ah, difficult and most personal purge here exposing so very much. A topical and well nigh impossible occasion to do justice to--how can we, really, translate feeling to language or words on written cyber “paper”??? A valiant and most erstwhile attempt here to undertake the near-impossible… bravo… bravo… bravo… -
You did well honey, I'm proud of you and she would be too
Best wishes in the contest.
Love Mum
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I could only hope she is...
Having you Mum..fills the void..and I know you know that..Just a special reminder
Love U
Cind
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