Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

other people






The other people understand.

A fence that is not real
has weight

and a mind is solid
when wise gods are quiet,

as we shout:
decipher us gently.



 The other people

                        understand.

All distance folds space
and horizons divide
by the action of deeps lines
in flesh.

These mark where self begins ...
and ends.

They cut the shape of them
from us.


                         understand.
The other people

Of all definitions, honesty
is mostly a silence.

It is each thing told to self
in the dark. Alone.

An act of fearless,
straining
to hear the echoes inside-

before they cast a sound,
before they return
by the voice of another.

It is a loss.

Everything is loss,
lost, uncherished.



The other people
understand.








Author notes

Edits: 7

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • Thoughts-of-Soloman
    August 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    'The other people understand' Immediately suggests a contemplation in one's self. I like this, it also reminds me, with no detriment, of some Lao Tsu verses.

    'An act of fearless,
    straining
    to hear the echoes inside-'

    'straining'- I'd have said 'fearless allowance' rather than 'straining', as I think we 'hear' better when we've stopped trying too hard.

    'before they cast a sound,
    before they return
    by the voice of another.'

    Again for me, 'as if by the voice of another' since this being an internal conversation between self and truth of self.

    'Everything is loss,
    lost, uncherished.'

    Yet in order to cherish Truth... Yes/No?

    I haven't picked out favourite parts, only what I felt like responding to in this way. Hope I haven't miss-read because I much like what I see here.
    There again, please ignore if I'm off track.

    Sol


    • EvilKate
      August 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      There is no such place as off-tack. All meaning in poetry comes from the reader, not the author. My view at least

      • Thoughts-of-Soloman
        August 2, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Thank you, very generous...
        but still, I hope not to be too far away from an original intention. If I misunderstand, then I like to learn so and 'come to meet' understanding better... if you know what I mean

        • EvilKate
          August 2, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          I do and I never intended to sound glib. There is always meaning to the author but does that need to match that of a reader? Perhaps the disparity is a part of the message. Perhaps that some will intrinsically understand, because they are other people while others will not. But then everyone is 'other' to some group. Just, some are more excluded by their otherness.

          So it is a contemplation of self - but as viewed by one's differences. It is a contemplation of how otherness emerges ... and of how we come to realise that isolating truth.

          So yes, everyone knows of this to some degree. There is none who have not experienced the feeling of exile ... just for some, even small things can resonate large.

          The attempt is not to examine this through pity, self or otherwise, just ... an attempt to see it as it is ... and the paths toward reconciling that perspective.

          Now I've probably confused it all even more.

          • Thoughts-of-Soloman
            August 3, 2008
            Edit | Reply
            Not confused it at all.
            However I think it does matter, the intention in where a poet is attempting to lead a reader, otherwise it could just be a list of any words for an association game to take place, with no possibility of 'closer' and 'further' from truth, any relative truth even.

            'So it is a contemplation of self - but as viewed by one's differences. It is a contemplation of how otherness emerges ... and of how we come to realise that isolating truth.'

            For me this isn't to do with the emergence of otherness. There is no otherness in the presence of Truth, that would be impossible because the truth is truth and not other. 'Otherness' arises with little help in the states which people find themselves in. It can be questioned and entertained for lifetimes, the only possible benefit being to realise that it doesn't exist in the first place and in order to meet what its 'existence' has always actually been; another face of infinite all encompassing Truth.... yes, 'as it is' without substituting or inventing from the subjective viewpoint of illusory otherness and distance.

            Please excuse me going on, it is not a disagreement, it's because I recognise a direction in your write, which I believe is the main subject of meaning for myself in most of mine. I'm truly pleased to find this.

            Thank you

            Sol




            • EvilKate
              August 3, 2008

              Edit | Reply
              So - is that you asserting that the poet's task is to guide readers toward an answer?

              I cannot agree, as I see the valid goal as finding questions to relay ... to which the reader will have to puzzle for answers.

              As to truth as an absolute - no such thing

              • Thoughts-of-Soloman
                August 3, 2008
                Edit | Reply
                No, not AN answer and no fixed task, not at all
                but there is always an intention serving something.

                I agree about finding the questions. It's only that the manner of questioning can be beyond and more fruitful than types I think easily recognised as being commonly fixed in a small self orbit, heard time and time again. In this sense I think perhaps every 'story', 'poem' can be a question. Your write here does, I believe point to finding an honesty in quiet vision on oneself, free of noisy and interfering paraphernalia, to reach 'things' as they are. To reach ourselves as we are.

                If you mention 'otherness' it immediately points to that which isn't other, doesn't it? What is it then that isn't other?

                'Absolute Truth', for me, is all there is, in itself as itself and so as a concept or form, again I agree there is no such 'thing'. If there is, it would have to include all forms while still remaining completely formless and beyond any definition...

                That's all I personally try to point at, even knowing it can't be reached in words and only the pointing is possible. So yes, again, all rests with the reader at the end of the day.

                It seems we are opening doors to meet light or burying heads in self-created boxes ( Just in case- I mean each of us in each moment and not to make categories) and peoples tastes are different.



  • apples fell
    July 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Firstly, let me thank you for entering the contest. I have a few observations, you know me and the rest will just be my rambling or however you want to look at it. I think your punctuation benefited the piece. The way it cut things short and finalizes the feelings. The white picket stanza feels incomplete, but not in the same way the rest of your poem does, where it supports itself while it goes on, instead it feels, held together by barely anything significant. Starting with your definition stanza is where the poem starts to sort itself out, where the emotional aspect of the poem starts to display what you really want to say, getting out the importance of the poetry. The beginning is strong, don’t get me wrong., but it is not as effective as the later part of your piece. I really loved the repetitions of “the other people understand”, something haunting about that without being completely haunting. Funny how such common words can make us feel so much, huh? So, my critique in general is to see if you can strengthen stanza two and possibly make the parts before the definitions stanza, as emotionally effective. Hope this comment is helpful.

    Thanks so much for entering the contest. Kenny will be around eventually to leave his feedback as well.

    ;

    • EvilKate
      July 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      It wasn't the strongest work I've done - I didn't really know where it was going until well into the write. So, I knew I'd need to go back and rebuild the start, it just took a while for begin to see how. Not sure if it's there yet, but closer

      • apples fell
        July 23, 2008

        Edit | Reply

        Much closer, if not there. It's hard to say as I know a lot of these emotions so well and sometimes I'm blinded by your convictions. Your observations are always so, clean. I think you have something good here regardless of where the work ended up, for sure. Much stronger beginning, most certainly.

        ;


  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    July 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    "Of all definitions, honesty
    is mostly a silence."

    indeed


  • Naridill
    July 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You created something worth reading through repetitiveness and the message comes through smooth.

    Sometimes I feel lost in your poetry - not in the sense that I don't understand. Just that the words feel close to me, kind of like knowing yourself is knowing others and you give something to poetry that air gives to life.

    & for that and more, I adore you.


  • Grunts Girl silver member
    July 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    but sometimes aren't the other people really weird?

    lol
    sorry i couldn't help myself... i have had too much wine.... i like the journey that you seemed to take in all this.... you leave me thinking like always


  • Malabu
    July 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    lately Ive been feeling this about my poetry...is futile...oddly I say this...strange how things dangle in our minds...and how other people affect...sometimes matters but doesn't really matter at all...oh hum...as always...you jot a few words effectively...they touch...then move in various directions
    Mal

  • Suzanne Dia
    July 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Each time I sit down and write I learn more about myself, and how to learn more about the people around me. Same goes for reading the writing of others..

    I learn.

    other people ..I don't know
    nor do I care for white picket fences.. real or imaginary, but you are a damn good writer.




  • Nicolette gold member
    July 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Of all definitions, honesty
    is mostly a silence.

    It is each thing told to self
    in the dark. Alone."

    This is powerful poetry; it lingers in the eyes and mind of the reader like thoughts and emotions that visit us in the small hours of the night. So much here that speaks to me...

    ~ Nicolette

1 - 16 of 16