Sleepless without her
Sorrow crowds the air
A stream of defeat rests on his face
Choking on temper, his rage is alive
He battles to breathe, battles to stand
This day is black
The low sky whispers sweetly, he breathes with relief
He hand picks his beauty in the form of a star
He sings to her, he sings to the star
Down by the lake he cradles her memory
His empty bottle reflects the lake
He dances beneath her
Her beauty hides in his pain
Knee deep in his suffering, he sings their song
Waist high in his longing, he sings their song
Shoulders rest on reflection
Drinking his agony
He sleeps, he fades
Author notes
Inspired by the song - My Immortal - Evanescence
In a list
A contest entry
- GET YOUR POEMS OUT THERE by Ken-Maverick.
450 points, ended August 17, 2008, 32 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter Your Best Poem Here, ONE WINNER TAKES ALL by echo-ink.
725 points, ended August 8, 2008, 38 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poetic Masters by Climax.
1600 points, ended August 31, 2008, 35 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Music Lovers For Poetry by Silver Asylum.
700 points, ended September 18, 2008, 27 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Random- everything by Writing0Freedom.
850 points, ended September 28, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Lyrics thoughts
Darkness drizzles in this amazing poem
No wonder the array of trophies
Best wishes
Julie
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This is very lovely and well-deserving of the trophies.
I asked, though, for pre-writes that were trophy-less; also I would like the song titles to be used in the write....as were done in the prompt write.
Please remove this and enter something else, according to the rules/guidelines - I'd love to see more of your talent.
thanks
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This is amazing! You captured the essence of my quote with such power! The imagery in this and the emotion behind each word is out of this world! Its simple but in that its just beautiful! I love how you use the star, and dancing beneath her, and using the bottle to reflect the lake. All really beautifully worded parts of a really well done poem!
Thank you for entering!
WritingFree -
Beautiful
I loved this, especially the line
"He hand picks his beauty in the form of a star
He sings to her, he sings to the star."
That line just grabs you and is so incredibly beautiful. I absolutely loved the song you used, I use it a lot to help my nephew go to sleep because of that wonderful melody.
Really outstanding write that has amazing imagery and structure. Well done and good luck in the contest
~*~Zenity
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Excellent.
You're poem is offly interesting...
Main reason I am commenting.
I like the second part...
Reminds me of a lost but once filled heart.
I don't know how long this poem took...
But it seems great in my book.
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Beautiful and strong, Powerful and sweet, sad too...Thank you for entering my contest! Very descriptive!
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wow!
this is such a beautiful poem, it was short sweet and very impactful! your emotions grabbed me, and it gave me the sense that you're longing for this person! love how you've expressed it, and it was written beautifully! a touching poem, sure did move me! keep penning kays, its wonderful! and thank you loads for this entry, i definitely enjoyed it!
~beauty of silence
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aww wow...very sad. yet beautiful, wonderful write and good luck in the contests, take care
Stephanie ♥
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this is very beautiful and so full of emotion, and sister is fine, thank you for entering.
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The flow and the atmopshere in this poem are wonderful. Great imagery and a very sad tale nicely written
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I'm in tears. drinking his agony away, a love he no longer has, great imagery, i could follow everything in my minds eye, and that makes for a great write. Loved this one. thanks for entering and good luck in my contest. *rose* PL
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I read this while listening to My Immortal. It totally fits. It's a very sad and powerful write. The ending was beautifl "He sleeps, he fades" Great imagery! Awesome write and thanks for entering
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Wow!
Very powerful piece indeed. I love the way you ended it with this stanza:
Drinking his agony
He sleeps, he fades
Great work!!
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powerful piece here. your imagery was awesome. the repitition of lines was very well done. this is great work. short, simple and deep.
best of lucks,
checkmate.
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wow!
This is such an awesome poem with such powerful emotions, deep feelings and amazing imagery. The longing is so profound and every word brought such depth. 
"He sleeps, he fades"
what an amzing ending. it ended the poem like BANG! the whole poem was just dripping with sadness and longing. Great job!! Good luck
transit~
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I think you've blown me away
i think its because i can relate to it
Has this been entered in a contest before?
Much much enjoyed the read
A few more entries like this and i'll up the points
Thanks for entering
All the best -
After reading this I just had to release a sigh. You are such a beautiful poet. This is a love deep and strong, and I do not think the world has many. To be able to reach that ultimate adoration is magnificent, I think. The imagery here is just breathless. . . .
Smiling
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Welcome To all poetry
Hi Venus25
I think everyone on the planet has been where you are in this poem I can relate Excellent poem I hope you find all the happiness life has to offer
Please keep writing, reading and commenting
Barbara
site greeter
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