When stones are hard to chew, and lonely winds just blow
remaining hope away; a cesspool life now seems,
addictions daily food; my desert hides small dreams.
No chord unfold, a trance; while jailed sad secrets sow
destruction's aim too well. Some human hands who know
the right design of life; a broken conscience screams
through dirty hell his right; while minding dark regimes,
enticed a hidden truth: research hypnotic flow.
See crying dragon's faith; your raising voice creates
through void itself a house; a blessing star relates.
The circle-dance of luck: some parts already wants
to meet unknown commands. To grow by cold defeats,
restored connections soon; a piece of music beats.
The earth and sun, your guards. No time nor demon haunts.
Author notes
A French sonnet.
Rhyme-scheme: a/b/b/a/a/b/b/a - c/c/d/e/e/d
Lines are alexandrines, meaning twelve syllables lines of iambic hexameter.
~Written for all the young ones, who's life seems without hope.
~Written and inspirit after the death by suicide by an 13 years old girl, may you rest in peace!
A contest entry
- Protect Life by Arkbear.
3300 points, ended July 16, 2008, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Outstanding
What impressed me so much about this french sonnet was the amount of detail you managed to include with so many different thoughts and ideas brought together. You have written an excellent poem with fluid flow and subtle rhyme. Congratulations on the trophy.
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I really enjoyed this ~ it flowed so smoothly and effortlessly ~ congrats on the HM
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Thank you
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What a beautiful sonnet.
- jo - *hug8
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Thank You!!
Thank You for Your entry: A new dawn
This piece tugged hard at my Spirit, I read Your words several times and afterwards kept seeing a boat sway from side to side as if rocking Spirit to slumber amidst a hurricane- Love the words: See crying dragon's faith also research hypnotic flow
I imagine there are others who could relate and have been there-Bravo for the form- I'm Blessed You are here
Excellent Voice to Inspire
Powerful images You have brought forth
Thank You for sharing Your Heart also Spirit!
Best wishes to You in the contest Sweet Soul
**Judging will be done shortly...
Many blessings too
and much love & light~ Desire~*~
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your comment makes me a little blush...thank you so much for your words
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Great write you can reach the heart of them. Don't stop writing.
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Good write here
We can all paint a picture to suit our need and give many excuses of how you shall succeed only if this is so then why are you so sad if this is true why is it your addiction forever lasts .When you stop hearing the voices in your head taking your futher and further down into a dark abiss this is when you know you have overcome the beast within . Getting help is no shame not getting help you fall again and again .
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As I read this sonnet, I realize how much work and thought went into this write! It is so professionally written! Your choice of words are dramatic, and well understood all through...It has a clear message and is a classic write!
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hi, thanks for your kind words Yeah, it took me three days to finish it, but, concerning the topic of the contest, it was really worth it
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Love the rhyme scheme! Your message, inspiring with a flair of uniqueness! You give life hope with this poem of magnificence.
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This was a perfectly weaved string of meaningful words that have touched me and i'm sure have touched others as well. The way you finished your poem really made the message come across stronger. Good luck in the competition.
Well done
Swim~
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Nicely rhymed. Interesting flow and form. I like rhymes but have not progressed beyond couplets as of yet.
Nice entry in the contest.
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Hi Nev.....I am not critiquing as I usually do......but check L's 1, 4, & 9 for syllable count :)
I also see you have left out a few words....and it has affected your Flow.....for me ~
*s* on blow
now life ( is ) a cesspool
connections will ( be ) restored
Or....maybe I am not picking up on something?
Anyhoos....thank you so much for taking the time to enter and speak to our young people.....they are in need of hearing from those who really do care......us!
Nice rhyme scheme as well......God bless you Nev,
Bear ~
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hi Bear~ Thanks for mentioned it. I've count "dried" and "jailed" as two syllables, while it's only one. I just check it, you're right. I'll fix it I'm already glad I can mean something for the young ones.....God bless you too
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Hey Nev......I hope I don't forget to find my way back here to see what you have written.....please send me the link when you are finished....ok Buddy?
God bless you!
Bear ~
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