i.
basking in the gloom
i now inhabit, you slumber in
a bed i no longer recognize
hidden beneath linens
alien to us
walls once adorned
with quiet blues have
been stripped bald by
hands i cannot hold
i search for the photographs
we proudly displayed
the chemical lastings of our
hand-held affections
but they lie in obscurity
collecting dust in the attic
amidst the nocturnes’ echoes
i creep ‘til i stand beside
you, try a final
time to grasp the hand
that once reached for mine
but as always, i feel nothing
frosted wisps escape your
lips, but your eyes do not
flutter; my name never uttered
i pull back, the dream
crumbling around me
forgotten before the dawn
i sink into the night’s darkest hours
ii.
the meridian approaches
and i will remain silent no longer
passing the hallway mirror
you catch a glimpse of
the shrouded mist i embody
the shocks of decay masked
by my shadowed pall
and your memories
of me at our best
blinking, you try to
fade me away, for surely
i cannot exist as i am
flustered, you grab the
crucifix from the wall
and thrust the bleeding
little man at me
at your pale reflection
staring back at you
you sigh out the
never-used scream
and rest your arms
turning to re-place
the christ-dagger
a sharp breath cuts
the air between us
for when you turn about
your eyes meet mine
Author notes
I don't think I've ever, EVER ended a poem, or anything of mine, on a cliff-hanger.
Any and all thoughts on this are greatly appreciated; this initially started as something much more ambitious, and I haven't ruled out adding a great deal more to this. I'm just not sure how to make it work how I want.
Part V of the series: http://allpoetry.com/list/53035-When-the-Nocturne-Quiets
Won gold in this contest: http://allpoetry.com/contest/2417863
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Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Wow.
I don't even think I have anything worthy to say so I'm just gonna give you my applause and move right along.
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This is so captivating, and brilliantly written, I consider it a fragment like a fragment of a disappearing dream we chase when a loved one is gone but back on this plane with us in our sleep, a fragment like a shard of light enlightening our brain for a second that we cannot tolerate, letting us know that maybe there is more out there than meets the eye. This has so much, even if you edit, please do not edit out the masterful phrases.
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I think I made sense of that. I'm not sure, though. No offense.
Anyway, I'm fairly satisfied with it; if I do edit anything, the poem will merely be fine-tuned.
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some one rang the bell I jumped ten feet omg
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Full of wonderful imagery of words you have created in this poem.
Best wishes and good luck in our contest
Julie -
The third stanza really captured my attention. Thank you for posting this imagery filled piece in our contest.
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This poem left me staggered...the first part was so detached, so foreign, and the second...completely knocked me off my feet..."blinking, you try to / fade me away, for surely / i cannot exist as i am"..."never-used scream"..."for when you turn about / your eyes meet mine"...amazing~
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we proudly displayed
the chemical lastings of our
hand-held affections
but they lie in obscurity
collecting dust in the attic
amidst the nocturnes’ echoes
Loved this stanza...something so absolutely haunting about its sullen blue notes and yesterday wantings. The rest of the piece was deeply enjoyable, the ending both a tease and a surprise.
Very well done.
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This is pretty, and has a lot of emotion in it. It was enjoyable to read; you could either read it for the story, or for the blurred starkness of the prose you used to embody your thoughts. Usually when people put religious anything in poetry it makes it ridiculous, and I can't stomach the rest of it, but the way your placed it in your poem was tasteful, and didn't ruin your poem. I really liked it, and if I have time I'll go and read the other poems. Write on, poet.
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definetly a interesting poem i the story line was great the flow was natural and imagry right on i loved it
Lucian” -
HOLY COW. I loved this. I read with rapt attention from beginning to end. Your eloquence amazes me...and I'm a bit jealous of your command of the English language...
It's so soft....and so terribly sad....a man bound to the human world, haunting his lover....refusing to give up on the fact that he can no longer see her....
"frosted wisps escape your
lips,">>>>>>>>>>>>>>woooh
.... this gave me shivers 
the first part ends with soft melancholy and then....baM! ii. starts off fast.
"
the meridian approaches
and i will remain silent no longer">>>ok. This is brilliant. I love your use of the word "meridian" . Normally I i think of midday, where the sun is the highest, but you give a whole other definition ...the climax, the highest point, what this has been building up to for so long. He is done hiding.
And then it gets better....
the shrouded mist i embody
the shocks of decay masked
by my shadowed pall
and your memories
of me at our best>>>>phenom use of diction here....she sees how is now.... a fright to her.
"blinking, you try to
fade me away">>>i really like this..trying to fade away something/someone that isn't truly there ... Brilliant imagery.
"turning to re-place
the christ-dagger
a sharp breath cuts
the air between us
for when you turn about
your eyes meet mine>>>>>>>*whistles* ....geepers. talk about a cliff hanger! I'm dangling over the edge and want to read more!!!!
bravo, I LOVE this
I wish you all my best in the contest
S.P.
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