my bedding
is formed
as though
he might be
underneath it
but I have
stood here
looking
for too long
A contest entry
- Quick: by Lj-.
300 points, ended July 22, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 49 of 49
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As always sensual and mysterious in such a seductive manner
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your poems don't spell it all out. you leave the space for the reader to breathe and find their own meaning.
and you don't waste words
you write when you have something to say. and it always happens to be something beautiful
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I much liked this before even looking at the prompt. Now I have, I admire it even more. Perhaps there is an ideal 'image' in our heart, not fixed, but like an archetype for what we seek and find love for.
This reminds me of waking on sunny mornings and seeing all manner of amazing sculptured shapes, in the white tented and ruffled sheet, I'm still lying under and squinting at the day from.
Sol
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Nice write. First thoughts went back to all the times I wasn't sure if my brother was in the bed next to me yet when I turned the light on in the room (usually he was and I would have to mumble an apology.)
Of course after my own recollections I started feeling the longing and overall emotion of the poem which seeped through. Another nice write.
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Excellent!
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Yeah... I could see myself being mistaken for a big lump in the bed haha.
Yeah it's funny how our mind starts to visualize things if we really want it to, or maybe even if we don't want it to, I guess it just depends on the situation.
But then I guess if our mattress is empty, one might say, well you made your bed, now... we know the rest right?
For such few words, you really got me thinking quite a bit Tara.
Now if I can only find my teddy bear, I'll be golden.
Great job dear poet.
Antonio
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Cool take on the prompt.
Thank you for your entry,
Best of luck.
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sad...
...how long must we wait? I like the imagery you have inspired in a longing and a hope...and wishful thinking now past.
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i like this...a blue print seems left behind.
beautiful as always
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*sigh* Love it
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oh so beautiful
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I like it. The shortness and simplicity are, I think, what add a lot of strength to this piece, becuase it leaves it just vague enough that you allow the reader room for interpretation without making it totally up-in-the-air.
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The brevity of this piece only adds to its strength. I love your use of space as well. Many times it seems like waste (in my opinion) but yours just fits perfectly.
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The longer you look ...
the more you dream ... And dreaming is a reality in itself.
Concise and textured, you little word weaver!
Love
Myra
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Once again, your mesmerizing words have tugged at my heart strings dear, thank you very much, and for some reason, that song, “The bed's too big without you,” by ‘The Police,’ is playing in my mind.
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Quite simple but so profound, there is an incredible sense of yearning here - a desire that goes untouched.
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This leaves the reader with a sense of yearning... And you know a poem has done its job when the readers start trembling with the emotions of the poet.
I think I'm addicted to your poetry.
~Cassie
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Excellent,
Perfect wording, and a fact that some may know all to well!
Peace, Timothy
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You do it to me every time...
Love, Lane
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Stunning as usual, a sombre feel and yet still so beautifully written. Well done with this.
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So sad.. it's like the impression someone makes in a bed, and once they're gone you don't want that impression to leave!
Lovely write!
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I am not very familiar with quickie writing and because of that I am always impressed with yours. Great and meaningful write.
~Sonja~
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I like this type of observational poetry. It is poignant and stark. Love the title and the way it introduces the subject matter with an anticipation of something more. You certianly deliver. Bravo. Geo
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Ah, beds that tease us to believe what isn't true.
From the doorway
I see his form in the bed
and he is really there
but
Sometimes I wish that it was only the sheets.
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i couldnt help but giggle a litte as i was erading this. i remember one time when i was a kid when my dad refused to get out of bed on a saturday morning, so she made the bed right over the top of him. i think i still have that picture somewhere. oh god, now im gonna have to go digging later to find it. great write hun.
Rob -
Tara, this poem has an amazing visual strength to it... whether you look at him with longing for such a long time, and the longing is so unresolved, that he is part of your bed, the one you don't move into here ... or because he is such a symbol of good love and steadfast presence to you in this bed that you just can't believe it, and the 'too long' means its time to get going again ... all unimportant to the reader, because the reader finds in this what they need ... this has an amazing visual power to it.
I got tired of reading it, though, that's how good it is ... i mean, c'mon, i read it ten times and I am very pleased to stop reading it now, but it lingers and linger and lingers and i feel or see a spot of sunlight, just a small dash of light upon your cheek, holding perhaps a tear fresh starting to trail away from your eyelashes...
see? it has an amazing staying power.
anyhow ... enough said
excellent work
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my bed looks as though...a tornado hit it...and all I did was sleep alone...
i imagin if it were two -
"An empty bed is always lumpy on one side".
You may quote me on that.lol
Joe
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Wistful and full of yearning. Lovely poem my friend.
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This has a feeling of longing.
Vivid imagery.
Well done.
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This leaves a feeling of sadness, loneliness, deflation...it just speaks. Excellent!
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very inspiring
and not only
that, it is so
mysterious, longing
and leaving me
wondering what is
to happen, what
happen, who he
is. beautiful! -
Good one girl
"f
☼Becky☼
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Since waking up to this today I've been standing in my various doorways and the view isn't always pretty.
Thanks for this miracle of understanding.
Tom -
Uh huh...make the bed and begin your day...we all need to hear this at one time or another.
Paul
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Lovely little poem, like a nudge in the stomach. No more needs to be said, and no less. I would change "and looked" to "looking" though. I have no idea why! I just like it better, lol
Fab stuff
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you are so right, thanks, Allyce!
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this is sad, Tara Yes, loneliness, sadness, hope... wonderful mixture of them all. It says a lot even though its short. Well done.
- Namita
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Waning hope, despair, denial, loneliness. Seems like maybe all the above.
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I don't know it you meant it to. But this reads sad to me. It has a soft tone. Enjoyed.
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(psst - "it" sould be a "who" )
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pssst it should have been if
Just as your sould should have been should.
lol
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Ha! Really like this Tara - a great write.
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Lovely, Tara.
~ Nicolette
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