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from the doorway



my bedding

is formed

as though

he might be

underneath it

but I have

stood here

looking 

for too long

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 49 of 49

  • Swan song gold member
    October 5
    Edit | Reply
    As always sensual and mysterious in such a seductive manner

  • krizaa
    September 24

    Edit | Reply
    your poems don't spell it all out. you leave the space for the reader to breathe and find their own meaning.

    and you don't waste words you write when you have something to say. and it always happens to be something beautiful


  • Thoughts-of-Soloman gold member
    September 20

    Edit | Reply
    I much liked this before even looking at the prompt. Now I have, I admire it even more. Perhaps there is an ideal 'image' in our heart, not fixed, but like an archetype for what we seek and find love for.

    This reminds me of waking on sunny mornings and seeing all manner of amazing sculptured shapes, in the white tented and ruffled sheet, I'm still lying under and squinting at the day from.

    Sol

  • Topnotchsy
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    Nice write. First thoughts went back to all the times I wasn't sure if my brother was in the bed next to me yet when I turned the light on in the room (usually he was and I would have to mumble an apology .)

    Of course after my own recollections I started feeling the longing and overall emotion of the poem which seeped through. Another nice write.

  • Yvette Champ
    July 30
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent!

  • Yeah... I could see myself being mistaken for a big lump in the bed haha.

    Yeah it's funny how our mind starts to visualize things if we really want it to, or maybe even if we don't want it to, I guess it just depends on the situation.

    But then I guess if our mattress is empty, one might say, well you made your bed, now... we know the rest right?

    For such few words, you really got me thinking quite a bit Tara.

    Now if I can only find my teddy bear, I'll be golden.

    Great job dear poet.
    Antonio


  • Lj-
    July 21
    Edit | Reply

    Cool take on the prompt.

    Thank you for your entry,
    Best of luck.


  • R S Adams Jr silver member
    July 21

    Edit | Reply

    sad...

    ...how long must we wait? I like the imagery you have inspired in a longing and a hope...and wishful thinking now past.

  • Virgoan
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    i like this...a blue print seems left behind.

    beautiful as always


  • catie052 gold member
    July 17

    Edit | Reply
    *sigh* Love it
  • oh so beautiful

  • aidenspektor
    July 13

    Edit | Reply
    I like it. The shortness and simplicity are, I think, what add a lot of strength to this piece, becuase it leaves it just vague enough that you allow the reader room for interpretation without making it totally up-in-the-air.

  • The brevity of this piece only adds to its strength. I love your use of space as well. Many times it seems like waste (in my opinion) but yours just fits perfectly.


  • myrataal silver member
    July 12

    Edit | Reply

    The longer you look ...

    the more you dream ... And dreaming is a reality in itself.

    Concise and textured, you little word weaver!

    Love
    Myra

  • Once again, your mesmerizing words have tugged at my heart strings dear, thank you very much, and for some reason, that song, “The bed's too big without you,” by ‘The Police,’ is playing in my mind.

  • Quite simple but so profound, there is an incredible sense of yearning here - a desire that goes untouched.
  • This leaves the reader with a sense of yearning... And you know a poem has done its job when the readers start trembling with the emotions of the poet.

    I think I'm addicted to your poetry.

    ~Cassie

  • Excellent,

    Perfect wording, and a fact that some may know all to well!

    Peace, Timothy


  • Dalaney gold member
    July 9
    Edit | Reply
    You do it to me every time...
    Love, Lane


  • Kiran silver member
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    Stunning as usual, a sombre feel and yet still so beautifully written. Well done with this.

  • So sad.. it's like the impression someone makes in a bed, and once they're gone you don't want that impression to leave!

    Lovely write!


  • Sonja silver member
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    I am not very familiar with quickie writing and because of that I am always impressed with yours. Great and meaningful write.
    ~Sonja~

  • I like this type of observational poetry. It is poignant and stark. Love the title and the way it introduces the subject matter with an anticipation of something more. You certianly deliver. Bravo. Geo



  • Ah, beds that tease us to believe what isn't true.

    From the doorway
    I see his form in the bed
    and he is really there
    but

    Sometimes I wish that it was only the sheets.

  • i couldnt help but giggle a litte as i was erading this. i remember one time when i was a kid when my dad refused to get out of bed on a saturday morning, so she made the bed right over the top of him. i think i still have that picture somewhere. oh god, now im gonna have to go digging later to find it. great write hun.
    Rob
  • Tara, this poem has an amazing visual strength to it... whether you look at him with longing for such a long time, and the longing is so unresolved, that he is part of your bed, the one you don't move into here ... or because he is such a symbol of good love and steadfast presence to you in this bed that you just can't believe it, and the 'too long' means its time to get going again ... all unimportant to the reader, because the reader finds in this what they need ... this has an amazing visual power to it.

    I got tired of reading it, though, that's how good it is ... i mean, c'mon, i read it ten times and I am very pleased to stop reading it now, but it lingers and linger and lingers and i feel or see a spot of sunlight, just a small dash of light upon your cheek, holding perhaps a tear fresh starting to trail away from your eyelashes...

    see? it has an amazing staying power.

    anyhow ... enough said

    excellent work


  • Malabu
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    my bed looks as though...a tornado hit it...and all I did was sleep alone...

    i imagin if it were two
  • "An empty bed is always lumpy on one side".
    You may quote me on that.lol
    Joe


  • arafura
    July 7
    Edit | Reply
    Wistful and full of yearning. Lovely poem my friend.

  • This has a feeling of longing.
    Vivid imagery.
    Well done.


  • Jersene silver member
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    This leaves a feeling of sadness, loneliness, deflation...it just speaks. Excellent!


  • adsaige gold member
    July 7

    Edit | Reply


    very inspiring
    and not only
    that, it is so
    mysterious, longing
    and leaving me
    wondering what is
    to happen, what
    happen, who he
    is. beautiful!

  • zochit2me gold member
    July 7
    Edit | Reply
    Good one girl

    "f

    ☼Becky☼

  • Since waking up to this today I've been standing in my various doorways and the view isn't always pretty.

    Thanks for this miracle of understanding.

    Tom
  • Uh huh...make the bed and begin your day...we all need to hear this at one time or another.



    Paul


  • Allyce May
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely little poem, like a nudge in the stomach. No more needs to be said, and no less. I would change "and looked" to "looking" though. I have no idea why! I just like it better, lol

    Fab stuff


  • Namita silver member
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    this is sad, Tara Yes, loneliness, sadness, hope... wonderful mixture of them all. It says a lot even though its short. Well done.

    - Namita

  • Waning hope, despair, denial, loneliness. Seems like maybe all the above.


  • markgrif gold member
    July 7
    Edit | Reply
    I don't know it you meant it to. But this reads sad to me. It has a soft tone. Enjoyed.


  • Pretani gold member
    July 7
    Edit | Reply
    Ha! Really like this Tara - a great write.


  • Nicolette gold member
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely, Tara.



    ~ Nicolette

1 - 49 of 49